Hello, So as the title says I got cheated on, I was with this girl for 6 months and I found out a couple weeks ago that she was cheating on me since the day I met her with two separate guys, and they were both aware of each other and me, I was the only one out of the loop there, So that was great, on top of my apartment having mold so I was in a hotel when she decided to tell me that and leave me

Now that I'm home and it's been about 2 weeks since all that happened, I'm honestly trying as hard as I possibly can to not go for any arteries right now, I just don't really know any other coping methods and I have literally nobody now. Since she left I've been trying everyday and night to find somebody to be there for me, somebody I can be with and focus on and love, somebody who deserves my love unlike that creature, but as the days keep passing by with zero messages of interest I'm kind of at a loss

I mean I know it's hard to find relationships and stuff in this state of mind but this honestly feels impossible, I think right now me being fixated on finding this is the only thing keeping my mind away from my knives, it's been a few weeks since I used them, what I wouldn't give or just one little release 🖤 but I'm trying not to, which is why I'm here I guess, just wanted to know if there's any alternatives any of you guys have found that helped when things were super bad like after a breakup or my circumstance, I've tried the wristband thing, I like to draw so I do that sometimes to focus my mind but that doesn't last very long, the only reason I'm looking for a relationship so fast is because it's the only time I've ever actually been calm and happy which is really what Id like to feel right now, I'm in therapy as well but words don't really change much for me, actions are what matter most so no help there either unfortunately

I don't know what to do, I just want to feel okay again 🖤

End of incoherent rambling, thanks for coming to my TED talk, it's 4am so I'm gonna try to pass out meow, sweet dreams my fellow unloved ones ✨