I’m so tired of all of this shit. I try to be better. To work on my mental health. To be a good person that helps people. And yet I keep getting kicked down. Every year since 2016 I’ve thought at least once, this is the worst day of my life. And then it gets worse.

Why do people get to tell me that my coping through SH is soooo bad when they have worse habits. Just cause it scars? It makes you uncomfortable? I’m sick of trying to not SH when everyone else gets to use their unhealthy coping mechanisms that will end up killing them in the future. I’ll be scarred. But I won’t have lifelong damage as long as I stay shallow. People who smoke and drink can’t say the same.

And honestly fuck the world right now. There is no justice or fairness. Why are kids getting killed in wars over the stupidest shit like land. Fuck selfish people. Fuck the greedy bastards that will step on anyone to get on top. Why should I bother trying to be a good person when the world is so unfair.

Why should I push myself in therapy and treatment when every time I’m doing good something bad happens and I’m worse than before.

It’s so hard to just live never mind thrive. And I’m tired of trying