i never want to do it again. i never wanted this to happen. he said seeing me have bandaids on my arms and cuts and stuff makes him have urges to do it too. he's already tried once before we were together and he said he hated it and that it wasn't for him, what changed?? i want to stop i need to stop, if he starts i don't know what i'll do, i dont think i could ever forgive myself but at the same time im so addicted to it and i cant stop and i really feel like it's either i sh or i |<ms in the moment. we made a deal that as long as i stayed clean from sh he would stay clean too, he's held up his side of the deal for months and i keep fucking up and relapsing i dont have health insurance, i cant go to the hospital or inpatient or get a therapist. im so lost and upset. please help me how do i stop