A few years ago, I crashed my bike, bad. Went into a tree at speed coming down a set of drops on Buttermilk East in Richmond Va. I was tired, didnt want to hit the trail but my partner went in so I stupidly followed.

Been down the same feature many times, however this time I had a partial brake failure, they just werent grabbing enough, I lost my balance and hit the tree face first. My helmet took a lot of the impact, but my neck also took quite a bit of force. I went down, knocked out for a minute and came to calling for my buddy. He was ahead but heard me and came backt to my yard sale. I could nto feel my left arm at all, it was like it was gone, couldnt feel it either, it was terrifying to be honest, I havea buddy who is in a wheelchair BC he had a snowboading accident, hit a fuckin tree.

Got me off trail, saw a doc a few days later (*stupid) and was given an appt to see a spine doc. Scans discover multiple discs are ruptured. Ive had two surguries, C6-7 and C4-5 have been fused. C3-4 is also ruptured and will need fusion eventually. Whats worse, is from a car accident when I was 19 (driunk driver hit me) my lower back is also fucked. L5-S1 also needs to be fused.

Ive battled with chronic pain for severla years now, and it is getting the best of me. I refuse to live on pain pills and I can't do much with out hurting and it SUCKS!!!! I am 51 years old, have ridden my entire life and must now give up the sport that I love most. No MTB, no road bike. Both go on FB this weekend after fightng making the decision for the past year.

What do I do now? Hike? I just dont know and am floored by this decision. It is mine, but I know I have to do this or risk making myself MUCH worse, I have a family to support, a wife to be a partner for and a son in law school who needs a solid dad.

It is an overall shitty spot to be in. I am extremely grateful for all I have, my family, a great job, two amazing dogs, a solid house and a successful son, I can't ask for much more. I just want to hit a fucking flow trail so bad!!

::sigh::

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