BC: “Kia ora and welcome to the show, silicon.”

silicon: “Pleased to be here, Bryan.”

BC: “Tonight on the show we have /u/silicon_based_life, leader of the Opportunities Party, and ex-finance minister. We’re here to discuss some of the past government’s policies and what plans the party has going forward.”

silicon: “Sounds good.”

BC: “So, to start. Why did you introduce the new income tax changes as finance minister last term?”

silicon: “Basically, these taxes are all about levelling the playing field for tax. We tax all transactions and assets at a certain level, except for property transactions and certain business assets. By adding these to our normal tax brackets, we can level the playing field, increase the viability of all investments in the country, reduce the tax burden on lower wage-earners, and help cool off the housing market. It’s a win-win.”

BC: “But what about the potential your tax has to decrease property investment, or even to crash the housing market and have negative effects on the entire economy?”

silicon: “As I said, this tax was introduced in line with established income tax rates. It is therefore implemented moderately and will not significantly effect the housing market. It also replaces the capital gains tax that existed prior, and so that alleviates any sting. As for decreases in property investment, well, that is to be expected, but it’s also kinda the point. Decreasing property investment will be the mechanism to decrease prices.”

BC: “What about the potential for a lock-in effect?”

silicon: “Feasibility statements indicated to the government that this would not be significant enough to damage the market. Capital gains on most property on the investment market is already so high that lock-in is negligible.”

BC: “Your other keystone policy is your “superannuation UBI”. Isn’t that just introducing a means test to superannuation?”

silicon: “Pretty much, yeah.”

BC: “Doesn’t that just punish our seniors for a life well lived, a life of paying tax?”

silicon: “The means-testing simply upholds the strength of superannuation to support a pensioner who has been low-income all their life, whilst also reducing overall expenditure and the middle-class welfare that goes towards wealthier pensioners who can afford the burden of retirement.”

BC: “Why did you have to reduce the age back to 65 though?”

silicon: “No matter how old the life expectancy becomes, Bryan, people are still ready to retire at that age. After 40 years in the workforce, especially in manual labour, 65 is the proper and expected age of retirement.”

BC: “Well that’s something for our listeners to ponder. So bringing us back to the present, what are your plans for this election?”

silicon: “Well, what with all these wins we’re seeing less enthusiasm from the party for this election. Not entirely sure why, but we’ve scaled back our expectations. My hope is to be in a position after the election to fight to keep and build upon the policy wins we’ve extracted so far in Parliament.”

BC: “What are you pushing for this time around?”

silicon: “Our health reforms and our young families UBI. The health reforms will ensure our health system can survive the burden of obesity and alcoholism that costs the taxpayer so much money every year, and the young families UBI will ensure that kids are set up with the right start straight from birth.”

BC: “Some have accused your junk food and alcohol policies of being ‘sin taxes’.”

silicon: “It’s only fair that those who cause the biggest burden to the health system pay for it the most. The tax might be regressive in practice, but ultimately, fair distribution of the funds means it helps our most vulnerable, not harms them.” BC: “Would your UBI not just give money straight to irresponsible parents, who will then use it to pay for everything except care for their child? And how will you pay for it?”

silicon: “Studies have shown that UBI recipients do not abuse their funds, and instead they use it rationally to help their families, as any person would. Here at TOP we stand for evidence-based policy.”

BC: “Well that’s all the time we have for tonight. We’re going to end this segment with a song chosen by our guest, within broadcasting standards, of course. What was your choice, silicon?”

silicon: “Well, since this is New Zealand, and since this is night, I have chosen the classic ‘Be Mine Tonite’, by Th’Dudes, which has been a favourite of mine since I was a child. The guitar solo at the end of the proper version especially gets me.”

BC: “Very well, thank you for the interview, silicon.”

silicon: “Thank you for having me.”

Be Mine Tonite by Th’Dudes starts playing.