This evening, the Right Honourable Sir Fresh3001 KNZM gave a speech in favour of free trade and the Comprehensive and Progressive Agreement for Trans-Pacific Partnership at the SkyCity Convention Centre in Auckland. At a dinner attended by National Party donors, Sir Fresh3001’s speech was broadcast to the nation.

“Good evening all. Two years and eight months ago, 12 nations comprising 40% of the world’s economy sent representatives to New Zealand, and gathered them right here to sign the Trans-Pacific Partnership Agreement. The Trans-Pacific Partnership was more than a trade deal; it was an opportunity for New Zealand to experience the type of economic growth not seen since the end of the last century. It offered to add $4 billion to the New Zealand economy, and opened export markets to New Zealand producers and manufacturers. It offered cheaper goods for New Zealand consumers, and closer relations between nations who all share a proximity to the world’s biggest ocean. Yet the isolationist rhetoric and anti-growth attitude of New Zealand’s left wing pulled us out of the deal, and hung us out to dry.

“Make no mistake, free trade is undeniably beneficial for New Zealanders of all variety. Whether you own a steel mill or a dairy farm, whether you’re purchasing an iPhone or an apple, the Trans-Pacific Partnership would have had a positive effect on you. After the Green Party repealed the National Party’s Act of Parliament which ratified the TPPA, I thought to myself, 'why aren’t they in favour?' I could only come to two conclusions: either, they were ignorant of its benefits, or they were hostile to its intent - that being economic prosperity. I chose to think the more charitable option of the two, that being the former. So here I stand tonight, being broadcast live to New Zealanders across the country, about to educate.

“There are two technologies for producing cars in New Zealand. One is to manufacture them in Auckland, and the other is to grow them in Canterbury. Everyone is well aware of the first method, so I’ll introduce you to the second. First you plant seeds, which are the raw material from which cars are built. You wait a while until wheat appears. Then you harvest the wheat, load it onto cargo ships, and sail the ships off into the Pacific Ocean. After a few months, the ships reappear with Toyotas on them. International trade is nothing but a form of technology; it turns one particular good or service into another.

“Now, you might ask the question: ‘why is the second technology superior to the first?’. This is because any policy designed to favor the first technology over the second is a policy designed to favoir New Zealand car manufacturers in Auckland over New Zealand car producers in Canterbury. A tax or a ban on imported vehicles is a tax or a ban on Canterbury-grown cars. If you protect Auckland carmakers from competition, then you must damage Canterbury farmers, because Canterbury farmers are the competition. Not only does protectionism protect domestic producers at the expense of other domestic producers, it causes a net loss in economic efficiency. Wheat is being exchanged for Toyotas, and not Auckland-made cars, because Toyotas are more desirable - whether that be because of their price or their quality. Forcing consumers to purchase Auckland-made cars does nothing but help an industry which is performing worse than the alternative. Protectionism harms the consumer, the producer, the economy, and the country.”