This evening, Prime Minister /u/Fresh3001 closed the Liberal Party campaign for GEIV at his expansive electorate office in Tauranga. Awaiting him as he pulled up to the curb in his Mercedes-Benz E-Class Coupe were party members, candidates and distinguished supporters, all tucking in to the pasta bar. Out of the car stepped Prime Minister /u/Fresh3001, and in the driver’s seat, Liberal Party supporter and All Black Julian ‘the Bus’ Savea. /u/Fresh3001 and Julian, both towering muscled gods, walked down the red carpet to the stage as gold and grey confetti streamed down from the ceiling while ‘Push It To The Limit (Scarface)’ by Paul Engemann played. As /u/Fresh3001 reached the podium, Liberal Party deputy leaders /u/Kingethan15 and /u/Mattsthetic joined him. Flanked by ‘The Bus’ and his two faithful deputies, Prime Minister /u/Fresh3001 began to speak.

“This coming election, New Zealanders only have one real choice in the government they elect. One which panders to the xenophobia and extremism of Reform, or one which does not. One which raises taxes, disrespects property rights, and oppresses immigrants or one which does not. One which would rather see New Zealand as a white collective, or one which sees society as a collection of free individuals. If you believe passionately in the individual as I do, and not the multitude of meaningless labels and xenophobic platitudes offered by the alternative government, then your choice is clear. The Liberal Party of New Zealand. I will admit that in our last term of government we did not do all we could for the people of New Zealand. Hamstrung by an obstructionist opposition and an uncooperative support partner - followed by the difficulties of minority government - we were not able to achieve all that we desired.

“Still, much of our agenda was achieved. For one thing, the economy has never looked better following our reduction to business tax and the creation of a small business tax. Our cuts to personal income taxes has given back more to Kiwi families, and our investment in education will benefit them for generations to come. Our vital changes to the Criminal Justice Reform Act 2018 has made Kiwi communities safer, and our Livestock Rustling Amendment Act has better protected Kiwi farmers. Our Education Advisory Commission is working alongside our government in providing better educational outcomes for our children, and our Sugar Education Act is increasing the awareness of health issues. We’ve reduced the imposition of subjective culture on Kiwi businesses, employees and consumers through the Shop Trading Hours (Restricted Trading Day Abolition) Amendment Act 2018 and removed the burden of Capital Gains Taxation on New Zealand investors.

“In a second term of government, the Liberal Party would continue our reformist agenda. We would continue to provide tax cuts for Kiwis by expanding the tax-free bracket to $14k, giving back $510 a year to almost every working New Zealander. We would cut business tax to 24% to improve the competitiveness of our economy and to reduce unemployment. We would abolish DST, have the cost of excise taxes shown on receipts, and would abolish the charitable purposes loophole. The We would continue our Drug Law Liberalisation policy and would further freedom of the press. We would entrench the bill of rights, relax election-day laws, and pass our Prisoner Rehabilitation Reform bill. We’d reform the RMA, share GST with city councils, and introduce a rent to own policy in state houses. We’d reform DHB membership, subsidise health insurance and fund mental health treatment. We’d expand the Aspire Scholarship program, raise the age of superannuation, introduce wider means-testing, create a regional investment corporation, sell off Landcorp, rejoin the CPTPPA, continue upgrading our airforce, and stand alongside immigrants.

“All the left can offer is higher taxes, collectivist rhetoric, and a coalition of xenophobe protectionists. Only the Liberal Party of New Zealand can stand up for liberal democracy in New Zealand, and tell the demagogues who threaten it: ‘no’. That’s why I’m asking New Zealanders to vote Liberal this election, so that we can enact our liberal vision of society, and so that we can protect what makes this country great. The alternative is a far left coalition propped up by a waka-jumping nationalist. What a second term Liberal government would provide is liberty and stability. And that’s why you should vote Liberal.”