Labour MP and Waikato-Rangitikei candidate /u/alpine- has hit the road on a last-minute campaign trip to the Bay of Plenty. She spoke to the elderly in a retirement home in Tauranga.

As she entered, the aged crowd exploded into a chorus of squeaking armchairs and motorised scooter honks.

"Thank you, thank you. As you may know, I am alpine-, Labour MP and Speaker of the House.

"Today I am here to address the disappointing issue that has arisen in politics - the neglect of the elderly. You are our finest people, who have made this country what it is today, who have fought to keep it free, and who have contributed to its success. And yet, you are often left out of the conversation and out of the major policy matters. The Labour Party is the last champion in Parliament for people like you.

Classic old people aww.

"We have committed to universal superannuation at age 65, unlike other parties who would rather you live on the streets, only adding to our homelessness problem. The net cost of superannuation in New Zealand is 3.8 percent of GDP, which is low by international standards - and well below the OECD average of 7 percent. Do not believe the scaremongering of ACT or National when they say 'we cannot afford it'. If we can't, then no one can.

'Darn right' said one passionate lady up the front, with such thrust that her dentures slipped out.

"The health of our wisest must also be protected. If elected, we will ensure that elderly receive more free doctor visits a year, supplements for struggling elderly, as well as other benefits and features. Super is often not enough to cover the essentials alone in areas with a high cost of living, so we are working to increase it gradually with the minimum wage. We also intend to continue taxpayer contributions into the fund.

"So, to continue your prosperity in later life, and to strengthen this country to how you remember it back in your good ol's days, there's only one choice to make on your ballot: two ticks Labour! Thank you!"

alpine- then descended the stage to a parade of wheelchairs and scooters.