"Hello friends, thank you for coming to my event tonight, it's great to see so many committed Aorakians in the same room, committed to a better future for ourselves and our environmental heritage."

"This by-election is a referendum on socialism. And unfortunately, the National candidate has fallen into line with the Greasy Greens and Lying Labour, promising to waste our tax dollars on wasteful government spending. In her latest campaign literature, Griffette is committing to wasting hundreds of millions of dollars of our tax money on social housing for bums in our unproductive cities. She's committed to wasting hundreds of millions of our tax dollars on public transport in our city centres, so wealthy office workers can enjoy a smelly and crowded train ride, watching the war on cars out their window."

"Worst of all, she wants to waste millions of our tax dollars on unnecessary defence spending, as if we were about to meddle in other countries' wars. Well, we're not. Not under my watch. Under the Outdoors Party, we won't play second fiddle to any international institution like the United Nations. We're not gonna let them lead us into war. We're an independent, sovereign nation. We'd all be ready to defend our coastlines if necessary, had the Greasy Greens not taken away our arms."

"National's commitments to billions of dollars of wasteful spending is unjustifiable. Taxpayers in Aoraki don't need to fund the lavish lifestyles of metropolitan mincers who wouldn't bat an eyelid at the plight of us, here in Aoraki, doing it tough. We're being taxed out of eyeballs, and the government is committed to imposing more and more socialist regulation on us. We're just trying to live!"

"It's just depressing how both sides of the aisle have given up on freedom and liberty for all. It's a pissing contest for who can spend the most money. It's absolutely wasteful. We're certainly not seeing the benefits, and we're paying for it. We don't even want to pay for it! I'm running because neither the Greasy Greens or the Nasty Nats have a real plan for us. And we don't want one! It's time we were left alone. Stop spending our money, I'm gonna cut taxes. Stop regulating our lives! It's a simple vision, but it works. It makes sense."

"I'm asking you to say no the socialism promised by the National Party, in league with the Greens and Labour. I'm asking you to vote for me, imnofox, because I'm standing for US."

the large audience applauded. 'bugger the nats!' shouted an old bearded man, potentially a vietnam vet