“Kia ora! My name’s supersteef2000, and I’m your local Te Tawharau candidate for Christchurch!”

a man wearing a Te Tawharau t-shirt answers the door

“Tēnā koe, e hoa! I don’t have much time, I’m running off to a bake sale for you!”

“Oh, you’re volunteering with Te Tawharau?”

the man nods his head while holding a basket of muffins

“Yeah, I just really think, y’know, we need a strong independent Māori voice for our whānau up there in Wellington. None of the other candidates have been talking about te ao Māori, so thought I’d go with you.”

“That’s amazing! Have a great time at the bake sale!”

“Oh, wait, would you mind if we took a little selfie?”

“Sure!”

the man gives supersteef2000 the basket of muffins, gets out his phone, and takes a selfie with him

“Thank you so much!”

“No problem!” smiles supersteef2000 as the man heads to his car.

“Kia ora! My name’s supersteef2000, and I’m your local Te Tawharau candidate for Christchurch!”

“Oh, the election’s happening already? Jesus!”

“Oh no, this is just a by-election to replace ToastinRussian, who was removed for inactivity.”

“Bloody hell. Good riddance to fucking bad rubbish.”

“Do you know who the candidates are for the seat?”

“Oh, I’m just gonna vote Labour, Greens, whoever, be on my way. I voted Socialist last election but I party voted Green, so I guess I’ll vote Green or Labour this time.”

“Well, I’m the Socialist candidate that you voted for!!

“I thought you were from Te...whatever?”

“I used to be Socialist, but now I’m in Te Tawharau.”

“Ugh, just tell me who the Greens are standing.”

“They’re endorsing TheOWOTriangle.”

the man is taken aback

“That Tory fuckhead?!”

“TheOWOTriangle is Labour’s candidate for Christchurch, endorsed by the Greens.”

“You’re bullshitting me, aren’t you?”

“Not at all.”

supersteef2000 shows the man the Electoral Commission’s list of candidates

“For fuck’s sake! Why would they endorse a fucking conservative?”

“I was as shocked as you. But Te Tawharau is the only left-wing party running a left-wing candidate in this election.”

“How can I help you? I don’t want that Triangle bludger as my MP.”

“Well, you can vote for us tomorrow on election day, the nearest polling place is at the school just down the road. But you can also go to the Te Tawharau website and look at volunteering options.”

“Thanks for the help, mate.”

“My pleasure.”