taking a break from being the best Prime Minister New Zealand has had since Michael Joseph Savage, imnofox went to Papakura to meet with locals and discuss the issues that matter to them

“Kia ora, ko imnofox tōku ingoa. How are you?”

”Hi, yeah, I’m good. You’re that cool Prime Minister, aren’t you.?”

“Yup, that’s me, haha. I’m just out here today, shilling for my good friend and Green candidate for Waikato /u/UncookedMeatloaf- and I’d love to win your vote for him in the by-election this Saturday.”

”Oh yeah. Well, I just heard on the news that we have the highest youth suicide rate in the developed world, twice that of even the United States. I’ve heard a lot of people in the community have had to grapple with the loss of loved ones, and it’s been pretty hard. So I guess I wanna know what the Greens are doing about that.”

“You’re right, we have a mental health crisis. Successive National government have left our mental health services in ruin. They’ve been neglected, underfunded, and have totally failed New Zealanders, especially our young people. The Greens campaigned on fixing this, and in government, the Green Party has taken real action towards combating what is nothing less than a crisis. We’ve put $116 million towards free counselling for everyone under 25. we’ve put $100 million towards youth mental health services across the country, which, as we are acutely aware, have been totally neglected and under resourced for years. To help our schools take care of our students, we’ve invested $10 million solely for school resources to combat mental unwellness. To help our queer community, we’ve put $5 million especially for mental health services targeted at our rainbow community. We’re doubling the number of school guidance counsellors to assist all of our kids, and we’ve put $5 million towards better resourcing and training for our DHBs to handle mental health issues. And to ensure our mental health services are neglected no longer, the interests of those needing mental healthcare are continually listened to and recognised, we’ve brought back the Mental Health Commission, much to the protest of the National Party, to advocate for those who are mentally unwell, and to advise the government on what needs to be done, acting as an independent watchdog for our mental health services. That is a total of $270 million of new expenditure to tackle the mental health crisis, and it’s the kind of results you get with strong Green representation from people like /u/UncookedMeatloaf in government.”

”Wow, that’s quite impressive. It’s disappointing the National Party are so apathetic on this issue. I really do think a Mental Health Commission is necessary if we want to tackle this crisis head on. Thanks for chatting!”

“No worries, have a great day, and make sure to vote for /u/UncookedMeatloaf this Saturday!”

imnofox skied to the next house down the road, knocking on it’s bright red door

“Kia ora, my name is imnofox, and I’m out here campaigning for the election of /u/UncookedMeatloaf this Saturday. How are you?”

”Hi, I’m doing well. I actually wanted to ask you something- what’s happening regarding conservation? I heard there was some good news, and I normally vote National.”

“Well, this government sees conservation as a huge priority. The last government slashed funding for the Department of Conservation by 50%, they slashed funding for DOC’s predator control programmes by 50%, and they slashed funding for Predator Free 2050 by 50%. Unfortunately there is just one party in this race who doesn’t see any value in conservation, and that’s the National Party. This term, we’re getting our conservation efforts back on track. We have a biodiversity crisis, the state of our waterways is inexcusable, and mining companies want to rip up our conservation land. That’s why, already, the Green Party have restored that necessary funding for DOC, their predator control projects, and predator free 2050. It’s also why we’re finally ending mining on conservation land, and just the other day we introduced the first major protections for threatened indigenous freshwater fish. It’s why we’ve put a total of $26.4 million more into the Nature Heritage Fund, the Queen Elizabeth II National Trust, Nga Whenua Rahui, the DOC Conservation Fund. It’s why we’ve extended the afforestation grant by $40 million for planting natives. This is the party of conservation, the party of the environment, and I think our record speaks for itself this term, and tramples on that of New Zealand First and the National Party especially.”

*”Wow, that’s a hefty record. I guess free market capitalism really is incompatible with environmentalism and conservation. It’s clear National’s words are far detached from their destructive action. I’m definitely voting for /u/UncookedMeatloaf this Saturday.”

“That’s great to hear, thanks for your time- have a good evening!”

imnofox cartwheeled down the road and up the driveway of the next neighbour

“Kia ora, I’m imnofox, Prime Min-”

after the door slammed in his face, imnofox shrugged, before walking to the next house calmly

“Kia ora, I’m imnofox, Prime Minister of Aotearoa New Zealand. I’m out here shilling for my good friend /u/UncookedMeatloaf, candidate for Waikato. How are you?”

”Oh, I’m good and well, you know? Aye- Uncooked- weren’t he Deputy Prime Minister?”

“Yeah, he served as Deputy Prime Minister alongside me for two terms under the Labour and Green governments. He’s a well experienced guy, with a proven record of strong green representation and advocacy.”

”What does he think ‘bout 1080?”

“Well, /u/UncookedMeatloaf is a passionate environmentalist, so like the Greens he recognises the challenges facing our native wildlife. Nine out of every ten kiwi chicks that hatch in the wild will be killed by predators in their first 12 months. Stoats alone are responsible for up to 60% of kiwi chick deaths. So while 1080 certainly has its drawbacks, it’s so necessary at the moment for tackling the challenges faced by our native birds. At the moment, it’s the only realistic option for the results we need in what is such large and rugged terrain. That’s why we have to keep using 1080.”

”Good answer, those nuts in New Zealand First will decimate our native wildlife with their anti-science nonsense, and no doubt National will help them with it! Glad there’s a candidate that believes in putting our native wildlife first.”

“Glad to hear it! Well, make sure you get out to the polls this Saturday and vote for /u/UncookedMeatloaf- the Green choice for Waikato!”

imnofox walked to the next house, wishing he’d worn his walking boots rather than his normal office shoes, continuing doorknocking, chatting with voters, for hours upon hours