Scene: Taharepa Reserve, in Taupō. On a resplendent hillside, just off the lakefront road of the beautiful town, the reserve provides a natural amphitheatre facing down at a raised stage near the road at the base of the reserve. TOP banners line the road and stage, and before the stage, facing down at it from up the hill, is a crowd that absolutely packs out the entire reserve, and some of the road above it as well.

The crowd is silent. They stare out across the water, fixated on a single small white dot that lies over the lake towards Acacia Bay. The dot billows and snaps in the wind, as it is none other than the sail of a sunburst. Piloting the boat is /u/silicon_based_life, TOP candidate for Whanganui who is traveling to this event in a relatively innovative manner. His technique is rusty, and he almost falls out of the boat even as he approaches land, which surely wouldn’t have been good for his personal imagine or the slightly wonky teal suit he is wearing. Nevertheless, he reaches the beach safely, drawing up the keel at the last minute with a flash of panic on his face. A murmur, then a cheer, rises up from the crowd at the arrival of their candidate. The boat gently beaches and he jumps off, getting his shoes, and the bottom of his pants, wet in the process. Leaving the boat to be watched over by TOP volunteers, he runs up the beach and to the road, where a car slows down to let him cross. Waving thankfully but also with a frown on his face, he jogs across and arrives at the platform, panting as he climbs up the stair. A roar of applause reaches him as he arrives.

“Woah, woah, slow down there! I’m a human like you, not some kind of sick god!”

The hubbub immediately subsides.

“Ooo-kay. Anyway, thank you all so much for being here. Frankly, this reception is totally overwhelming! Much like the overall campaign, actually. To go from being a total unknown in the political scene, to gaining the support of 20% of the electorate in the polls so totally ridiculous that I can hardly believe what I’m seeing. I think this is a strong testament to the strength of TOP policy, as well as the strength of our volunteer team and every single person who has turned out to this event, as well as all others across the country this week. You are all shining stars in a world of darkness.”

Scattered cheers.

“When I first embarked on this campaign, down in Whanganui, I spoke to maybe 15 people. Now, back in my new and old hometown of Taupō, there must be at least a thousand people here, maybe more. You’re all awesome! God, I’m getting away from myself. The Opportunities Party has led a principled, careful campaign in Whanganui and I’m not going to let it go to my head now. I still have policies to announce! Regardless, you’re all awesome and thank you all so much for hearing me out. It means a lot.

“I’m here today, in the environmental capital of New Zealand, to announce our party’s environmental policy suite. Also to campaign and hold my now legendary policy workshop, but the release of our environmental policy is quite important. And the first one, right here, at the top of the list: Climate change reduction. It may be a tired mantra by now, but I have to repeat. Climate change is the single biggest threat humanity has ever faced. It affects all of society, everywhere in the world, and can only lead to one outcome if allowed to run rampant: Global desolation and destruction on a terrifying scale. It is an existential threat to humanity, one we have caused ourselves. So the most important step TOP will take on an international level to combat climate change will be to become the most powerful voice in support of it’s reduction on an international stage. We need to make sure other countries are working alongside us to save civilisation as we know it. Meanwhile, at home, we will pursue an aggressively anti-climate change agenda, but never leaving sight of New Zealand’s vulnerable regions, like Taranaki, which still rely on fossil fuel industries to survive.

“The Opportunities Party strategy to combat climate change is as follows: First, achieve 100% renewable energy by 2035. Second, we will re-introduce and fix the Emissions Trading Scheme, alongside the current carbon tax. Previously, we were trading on fraudulent credits that weren’t actually reducing carbon emissions worldwide, which I presume is a major reason the Greens and Labour got rid of it in the first place. The new ETS will remain closed to international trade, and overall will become actually effective. Any new investments made in the public or private sector will need to take the effects they might have on climate change into account, and they will be strict. Land de-intensification will reduce methane emissions. Finally, we will review the viability of our fossil fuel sectors and look to wean the country off their use at a date before 2100, preferably before 2050. This will require massive investment into the regions, so it’s a risky task.

“At the end of all this, our carbon emissions are still tiny compared to the rest of the world. Therefore, the international campaign will be the most important part of the whole policy suite. By being an example to the rest of the world, and funding research and development to technology that offsets climate change, we can exert influence in this manner.

Applause and cheers from the crowd.

“Our next set of policies here is on clean rivers. The Opportunities Party standard for rivers is swimmable. Nothing more, nothing less. In order to reduce the levels of pollution in rivers, we plan to put the heat on the polluters, not the taxpayer. Now, that doesn’t mean we’re going to go around attacking farmers for doing their job! On the contrary. Our polluter funds will reward farmers who reduce nitrogen leaching and punish those who take no steps to. As we learnt in 2017, many farmers have ben sustainable with their river exposure practices and we want to encourage this. The polluter fund can also be transferred between regions and put into sustainable environmental clean-up practices as well. The other thing we will do around water rights in New Zealand is mediate a conclusive water ownership act between the crown and Māori. This has been an outstanding issue, never fully resolved, since the Foreshore and Seabed controversy of ’04. The Opportunities Party wants a conclusive answer, for both Māori and everyone else. Remember, you can’t spell “Kiwi” without “Iwi”!

Someone calls out from the crowd: “Fuck Don Brash!”

“You first! Anyway, we also have several revolutionary environmental policies as well. Under a TOP government, 10% of New Zealand’s Exclusive Economic Zone would become no-take areas, banned to fishing. Preferably more! Like I said before, we will end land intensification, which will not only reduce all forms of pollution, but it will also reduce farm debt. Doubly beneficial! We’ll impose a $20 levy on tourists entering the country, which will induce big gains in the conservation budget whilst barely registering on their pricetags. In our overhaul of the Resource Management Act, we’ll make sure the environment is still fully protected, whilst making it easier for consents to be passed if they don’t affect the proliferation of natural capital. And of course, being the huge conservation nerd that I am, having once worked for DOC in this very region, we will support DOC, all of their local projects, and increase their budget whenever possible.

The DOC rangers in the crowd, some of whom worked with /u/silicon_based_life those years ago, give an enthused cheer.

“And my, I think that’s it! We at TOP are totally focused on the environment, and I promise you that if a good environmental policy passes us by we won’t be afraid to pick it up and run with it. Climate change policy is currently equal number one priority for us in Parliament, alongside the income tax redistribution scheme. All others follow from this.

"Well, I guess it’s time for a few choice last words. I will be heading down to the Sea Scout Ship below this reserve after my speech to engage in policy with you lovely people. Unfortunately, you can’t all fit! This would be a serious problem if it didn’t mean my party hadn’t energised the vote of thousands of people electorate-wide – I mean, considering how important these workshops are to us, it still somewhat it a serious problem. No matter what, come get your hands dirty, speak to our brilliant volunteers, tell us what you think, and make your vote count tomorrow – vote /u/silicon_based_life for clean, green, mean and the dream politics in Whanganui!”

Seeing he is finished, the reserve erupts into applause. /u/silicon_based_life absorbs the applause, then leads the group down across the road, ready for a productive policy workshop.

The environmental policy of TOP can be found below:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_hzvFuqcJvAMGChR5qxeo4PGqfLDXX6OrBgcl4k0pNg/edit?usp=sharing