Me and my longest known friend got together for dinner last weekend. Ive been feeling pretty down recently and i just felt off that night. He asked if one of his buddies could join, i said sure and was enthusiastic about it. As soon as his buddy came over, the vibe totally changed. They were talking, making jokes, and having a good time. I realized i have become a negative guy that barely makes jokes anymore. Just a few years ago, i used to be fun and have great energy. Since then, i left my gf of 7 years because she was abusive, have been diagnosed with adhd, and got a job thats great for me longterm but sucks day to day, and im currently holding a grudge against my dad because he left me when i was 7 years old. I feel like ive been making good decisions for myself but im still getting worse overall. I used to have a spark, and see magic in the world, but i simply dont anymore. Positivity is very hard to see for myself right now.