tw for abuse and whatnot. i’m sorry i’m so desperate for help at this point, it hurts so bad right now

there’s a lot to it but the tldr is i was abused and she completely got away with it.

to so many people, i know they believe my abusers story that i was an insane, violent child to some poor christian mother that eventually went to live in a different household. the whole “i was just so sad to give up my child but it was for the safety of my other child” bullshit when in reality i was being extremely emotionally abused, physically abused, fucking tortured even during my visits with her after i left the home as a child. i literally have photos and records of the abuse but none of it matters because i didn’t know or trust anyone to share it with as a kid and my mother meanwhile was manipulative to the point of provoking me to set me up for getting “evidence” of me being “crazy”.

i logically understand that i am safe now, it is over, and frankly i am living a way better life than she probably ever will. but she does have people in her life still who probably fully believe the innocent christian mother facade and probably pity her poor story to whoever she probably shares it to. i know it’s not good for me to invest my energy in this but i do check her social media here and there and she posted the other day about some wholesome thing my sibling did for her, and of course it just has likes and positivity, to other people it’s just some mom making a “wholesome” post about her kid to everyone else. like all the other posts on her account.

i wonder if she genuinely believes her own lies? some were so deliberately and blatantly false, i’m not sure how a person could do that.

i got in contact with my younger sibling briefly through message, sent follow up messages just trying to be present in their life (ex happy birthday) and whatnot after that but never hear back and eventually got blocked with no apparent reason. sibling is almost an adult so i hope they are safe, but it hurts knowing that there’s really nothing more i can do. my mom successfully has her isolated, sibling’s father also hasn’t been in the picture for a while under questionable circumstances that make me worry/suspect it was also manipulation on my moms end. i won’t get into detail but it’s much more than projection of my experience, if you knew the details you’d likely also have the same concerns

i’m in therapy, i have friends and a great life outside of this and invest in myself, i am highly overachieving for my age, but i cannot seem to get over this. it’s been long enough that none of the cells in my body now were ever touched by her, yet the memories remain and the situation as it is now makes me feel so powerless, unbelieved, shamed, and upset.

what is there to do at this point? i feel trapped in either staying miserable forever or accepting that she really did get away with it, that i am powerless to her and no one knows or would believe me. a big part of me doesn’t want to go on like this. can someone please tell me i’m not alone, save me with some magical insight that’ll make it all okay? i can’t do this