Gooooooooooooooood Eveningggggg Buckinghaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!

How are we on this fine summer's evening?

Margaret is looking ratted and Thierry is going off for a key, I’d say we’re feeling pretty good. Now I’m here in Bletchley today to meet the assorted fellows who ride the rails for a living, or for a hobby. Now what unites train lovers more than a dodgy internet history? Their love for historic heritage railway lines of course! And you were all thinking it was going to be touching children! Now what is more important than the wet dreams of railway nerds? Getting local rails for local people. Labour firmly believes that we all deserve a good railing, even the rural folk and that is why we are proud and privileged to commit to re-opening over 30 heritage and discontinued railway lines with 2 right here in Buckingham.

Have you ever been to Winslow and thought good god I want to leave? Well I have! With the re-opening of the East-West Line, you can be assured of a speedy exit back here to lovely Bletchley or, fancying a bit of designer bling you can instead take the train to Bicester and spend that cash. What cash I hear you cry? The cash that will be in your pockets when you vote for another Labour led government of course. The same also applies for Milton Keynes. Now why would anyone want to stay in such a depressing example of why the free-shagging architecture of the 1960s? No one would. Quite crucially. By re-opening the East-West. Line, we are providing a direct relief service to the miscreants of Milton Keynes who are smart enough to realise they need to escape. That may frighten some of you, the thought of such animals spreading into Buckinghamshire however I have spoken with railway officials and I have been assured that if we assemble at stations with pitchforks and torches we can prevent them from leaving the trains till they get to Bicester and then it's not our problem anymore.

But escaping Winslow is not the only benefit that we’re bringing to Bucks by re-opening the railways. If you’re on a rural village binge, the Banbury-Verney Junction Line is the one for you. From Little to Great Horwood to Gawcott to Tingewick to Westbury, all those little villages which sound like they belong to a dogging society. I’m sure some of you would be very interested in exploring that type of railing.

We’re giving rural folk the mobility and access to Buckinghamshire which for so long the upper echelons have sought to deny them. They may be weird, talk funny and marry their siblings but they are first and foremost Buckers. It is my commitment as the Labour Candidate for Buckinghamshire to represent the whole of Buckinghamshire, not just the Tory breadwinners. It is clear, beyond all doubt, whoever reasonable and or unreasonable, that it must be Chi for Bucks, or as the locals say #Chucks. It’s time to ride or die.

*Chi loads himself up onto a hand pump car and begins to pump and grind hard. After reaching prime railing speed, he eases up, however, tragedy strikes! As the lines have not been reopened, they are covered in trees, which Chi promptly plows into, derailing and hitting a small cow*

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Moments before disaster