Muffin strides out onto the green of Galashiels Golf Club, dodging golf balls the whole time, but still delivering a speech, with the help of a megaphone

I am here at Galashiels Golf Club, to do two things, play golf, and talk about why you should vote Yes in the Welfare Devolution Referendum. Sadly, it appears I brought no golf clubs or balls, so it's time to tell you why you should Vote Yes tomorrow.

You've heard in very brief quantities why you should Vote No, because Scotland allegedly can't afford Welfare, or because Scotland spends more on Welfare anyway. Well, quite frankly the first point is complete nonsense as has been shown by my predecessor, the former Scottish Labour leader, there is clear financial ability for Scotland to afford Welfare. And in terms of the Second point, this is exactly why Scotland does need devolved Welfare. The weak and wobbly Coinflip Government in Westminster has promised to slash Welfare spending, ending the Basic Income system to leave people worse off. This is despite the former Cabinet Secretary for Finance having admitted to the Scottish Parliament that Basic Income is helping people in the face of a cost of living crisis. Scotland can afford it, and the proof is there that welfare in Scottish hands will ensure people are not left worse off as a result of a dangerous right wing Government in Westminster.

The Scottish people voted for Welfare once before, and were denied their right by the same people who stand against devolution now. Make sure to have your voice heard at the polls tomorrow, by ensuring a vote for YES to giving power back to Scotland.

Muffin proceeds to leave the golf club having convinced even the rich Tories there to vote for Yes in the referendum