Monday: The Man Of Steel

With his master plan to win key seats to hold the balance of power in Wales, Cuth puts together a crew to execute it. First stop a quiet bar in Neath. It doesn’t take him long to find, a middle aged man hunched over a pint in one of the corners.

Cuth: “Are you Greejatus?”

Gree: “What’s it to you?

Cuth: “I’m going to save Welsh steel and I need a crew?”

Gree: “Can’t be done, you would need an ambitious plan, support for the council to provide hardship local tax rate relief in the short term, and a realistic long term plan to support the owners or a new buyers to make the plant greener and profitable in the long term by reducing the tax burden on reinvestment and making energy in Wales cheaper”

Cuth: “Oh yeah” rolls out blueprints

Gree: “You son of a Bitch, I’m in”

Tuesday: The Law Man

Next stop on the road is Newport Crown Court,

Gree: “So are we going to bust someone out?”

Cuth: “Oh no we have an appointment with a judge”

The group reach a small alcove where a roguish man swivels round to greet them

Chev: “gentlemen?”

Cuth: “We am here about the case of The People of Wales vs The Conservative Party”

Chev: “I think you have the wrong courtroom, I’m too old to be taking on cases like this”

Cuth: Places down a mugshot of RobberRhys, we have his fingerprints all over the £1.6 billion missing from, Wales block grant and a second charge of attempting to stop the people of Wales taking control of justice and policing powers.”

Chev: “You son of a Bitch, I’m in”

Wednesday: Techie

The LPUK battle bus pulls into Llanelli,

Chev: I thought we were looking for a tech expert?

Cuth: This guys one of the best, he’s already regulated to protect privacy across the UK.

They enter the library where ThreeCommas is tidy up after giving a free coding lesson

Cuth: “Hey we are looking for a hacker, a Tory vote share hacker.”

Three: “shh not so loud man, but what’s in it for me”

Cuth: “Well we need to improve financial inclusion in Wales, and the best way to do that is digital banking and improving rural internet access”

Three: “That sounds nice and all but what’s in it for me”

Cuth: “You remember that free school you always wanted? Freedom to innovate and craft a curriculum based on what parents want, not council busybodies, freedom to find what works?”

Three: “I’m listening”

Cuth: “Well lets just say school choice is coming to Wales if we get in”

Chev: “You son of a Bitch, I’m in”

Thursday: Legman

Cuth stops abruptly in the middle of a rolling Welsh moor,

Three: Are we going for a stroll?

Cuth: No but we are going to find someone who will.

Out of the mist approaches a mysterious figure

Cuth: “Nice day for a walk?”

Jmam: “Much nicer now that the Welsh Unity government introduced penalty notices for fly tippers”

Cuth: “Well I’ve got a favour to ask see, me and my crew we are planning a heist to recover Wales block grant adjustment. And we need you to case the joint, travel all over Wales meeting voters”

Jmam: “I could but what’s in for Wales natural environment?”

Cuth: “Well if we break back into government we can fix it nice for you and the Welsh countryside, by giving legal personhood to natural bodies so their interest in sustainability can be protected by the law better and more dynamically.”

Jmam: “You son of a Bitch, I’m in”

Friday: The Getaway driver

Jman: “So once I’ve cased the joint, Greejatus has convinced the steel workers to lend us a hand, Chev has dealt with security justice, Three has improved rural access to the internet, banking and skills education and you have recovered the £1.6 billion owed to Wales… What then?

Cuth: We need a clear road ahead to the next election, and I know just the guy.

The battlebus stops in a traffic jam on the A55, and Cuth gets out and hops into the next car

Tarkin: Cuth old boy!

Cuth: Tarkin, I’m putting together a squad to recover Wales £1.6 billion block grant adjustment.

Tarkin: “You would be caught as soon as you hit the traffic, he gestures to the traffic jam”

Cuth: “Got any ideas?”

Tarkin: “It’s crazy but it might just work. Gestures to a road map See the A55 is dual-carriageway for all but one part - here the Menai Strait crossing at Britannia Bridge. This reduction from two to one lane causes large traffic jams to form on both the Gwynedd and Anglesey sides of the bridge. If you want to fix the traffic flow and have a clear road ahead for Wales we need to create a whole new route”

Cuth: whistles

Tarkin: “We would need to design and build a third Menai Strait crossing, a dual carriageway and will allow for the flow of traffic to continue unabated.”

Cuth: “Il back it”

Tarkin: “You son of a Bitch, I’m in”

As imagined by Nom-de-plume telegraph journalist