When the train had given up on its riddles, /u/bloodycontrary sat down and took a deep breath. "That was stressful. What would've happened if I'd got them wrong?"

YOU'D HAVE GONE TO BRISTOL, the train replied, cackling.

"Oh, is that it?"

SHUT YOUR MOUTH. ANYWAY AS A REWARD YOU GET TO DO SOME ACTUAL CAMPAIGNING LIKE A NORMAL FUCKING PERSON. OFF YOU GOOOOOOoooooo

/u/bloodycontrary felt the ground beneath him become sticky, like a combination of quicksand and tar. Panicking, he kicked his legs up and down to no avail. He was falling. He looked up, and saw only the figure walking off to the microwave to get some more soup, just as he fell into the darkness...

...and onto a podium.

"... former Liberal Democrat leader, candidate for Gloucestershire and Wiltshire, and supporter of /u/Randomman44, /u/bloodycontrary!"

A crowd in front of the podium cheered, waved placards while looking on expectantly.

What the fuck? /u/bloodycontrary thought, Am I continuing on in autopilot while going on this nightmarish trip? Or is this part of it? What even is real?! I'm turning into Yukub!

"Uh, hi, helllo everyone. Um, wow, it's great to be here in St Albans!"

The crowd cheered, but some exchanged surreptitious looks of concern.

"I'm, uh, here to tell you why you should vote for my friend and colleague, /u/Randomman44!"

The crowd cheered again, apparently reassured. /u/bloodycontrary was not, however, altogether compos mentis yet.

"This country needs a liberal Government. The budget we got last term was frankly abusive. The lunatics in LPUK had to be held back by the nihilists in the Tory party. Just think that through. Think about it. The LPUK were so absurd, that a party of nihilists were forced into some kind of ethical objection!"

/u/bloodycontrary felt the righteous force of liberal anger filling up inside of him, spurring him on.

"Look instead at what the Liberal Democrats can offer the people of Beds and Herts.

"We will make sure that the NHS is properly-staffed. We currently have a staffing crisis, because of our leaving the EU - and no trade deal has been agreed yet - thanks to the engineering of the Tories and the useful idiots in LPUK. So we are going to go global, and recruit to ensure the NHS is properly and competently staffed.

"We will pass a slew of legislation to deal with the climate crisis. Again, I have to pull your attention to the political reality. LPUK give lip service to the climate crisis, but they don't actually care. They only raised the carbon tax to silly levels because they wanted to crow about lowering VAT. Remember they wanted to scrap HS2 and other railway initiatives, which are things that could help our country be greener and less reliant on fossil fuels. Note also that the Tories consistently work with them. These are not the parties to choose to combat the climate crisis.

"The Lib Dems are.

"We have ambitious targets for fossil fuel use. We will plant trees. We will focus on green transport. We will take part in international initiatives. We will work to combat the emergency.

"These are just two reasons of many. My final reason is /u/Randomman44 himself, who will be a diligent and conscientious MP for this constituency. We've worked together for a long time now and he's a very hard-working MP who, surely, will do you proud.

"And that's it for me, thank you-"

/u/bloodycontrary had barely finished his sentence when the sticky quicksand appeared under him again. This time he just resigned himself to it, as the podium and the crowd swirled before and then above him, and he fell, impossibly, through time and space, through colours and shapes, and directly onto the sofa in the train carriage.

"Welcome back," the figure said, this time trying to use a straw to drink a bowl of cornflakes.