M: Read this post to see part one of this epic and slightly unhinged saga

/u/bloodycontrary woke to the taste of motor oil.

He sat up, and wiped his upper lip with the back of his hand. A black smear, like freshly-laid tar, sloughed across his fingers.

He looked around the oddly (again) sepia room. It was shaking and creaking, and he could see vague and sinister black outlines flashing past dusty windows, and accompanied by the malevolent tinkling of an old piano.

The figure floated before him, still coughing.

"Where the actual fuck are we you weird floating enigma?" /u/bloodycontrary shouted at the figure.

The figure laughed, and again lapsed into a colossal coughing fit. After several minutes of hacking and retching, it stopped and and unfolded to its full height.

"We're on a train," it said, gesturing to what, in fairness, was actually a 19th century train carriage, complete with curtains, lamps, your gran's furniture and the unmistakable sound of a steam engine at full speed.

/u/bloodycontrary pulled an unbearably smug face, and the figure visibly shook its head. "This can't possibly be true, the Liberal Democrats supported the electrification of the train lines-"

"Oh for the love of god," the figure sighed.

"-and reopened many old stations and lines, each with electrification, thus enabling communities across this great constituency, and all across the country, to move around cheaply and in an environmentally-friendly way-"

The figure floated over to an old bureau, and pulled the ancient sliding partition downward, exposing a selection of splendid knives.

"-while also supporting fast- and high-speed railways so that our railways can compete with the airline industry and thereby reduce dangerous aeroplane emissions-"

An oily hand ran across the knives, as the figure stroked whatever passed for a chin under its hood. It kept glancing at /u/bloodycontrary, apparently deciding which knife would have the most desirable outcome.

"-and we absolutely double-down on these measures by introducing light-rail to more of our towns and cities and electrifying our bus services, while reaffirming our support for electric vehicles-"

The figure decided on an enormous butcher's knife, and wheeled around. It flew towards /u/bloodycontrary and held the knife to his throat. "I didn't bring you here to talk about your poxy fucking policies, you fucking bell piece, I'm here to show you something much, much more important."

/u/bloodycontrary gulped. "More important than radically liberal policies that will improve the lives of every citizen in this country?"

"Oh, it's related," replied the figure, "but a little bit bigger." The figure then began to cackle, a mirthless laugh that shook the carriage and its contents like an earthquake.

"Our answer awaits us in Gloucester."

M: Stay tuned for part 3