Candidate for South Wales Central, and general athletic chap, /u/bloodycontrary got on his bike today and cycled from Cardiff to Pontypridd (which is like 15 miles or something, but still an incredible effort!):

"So, my purpose here today, chaps-"

short break as the candidate inhales a Twix

"Is to demonstrate the difference between a Welsh Liberal Alliance Government, and a Government led by any other party.

"So, as you can see now, we are cycling along, quite happily, enjoying the countryside, and the wheels are turning, the cogs are working in concert together and everybody is moving forward. What a beautiful sight!"

another short break, as this time the candidate is pulling a very large knife out of his saddlebag

"Now, let me demonstrate what living under a Libertarian Government would be like."

the candidate takes the knife and stabs the tyres of people whose bicycles are made of steel, rather than the more expensive carbon fibre, then grabs a branch, stabs it between the spokes of his own bike, and falls off while screaming "FUCKING IMMIGRANTS"

"You see how the people who can't afford good bikes got screwed over there? And note how I sabotaged myself while blaming immigrants? Yep, that's the Libertarians for you. If you're a bit foreign or a bit poor, or even slightly interested in the wellbeing of the nation, your friends, family or yourself, you might as well not turn up."

slightly longer break now, as the candidate gets patched up and helps mend punctures

"Since we're going again, let's talk Labour. This might not be too bad overall. I mean, our bikes are a bit knackered, we're a bit slow, and none of us knows what we need to do to fix our vehicles, but still, at least we're going somewhere!"

the candidate causes a slight scene as he abruptly brakes his bike, turns around and cycles in the other direction, while holding his hands in the air, imitating a gallic shrug, and shouting "I suppose I changed my mind".

long break as candidate huffs and puffs his way back to the peleton

"I think you get my point. Let's go to the pub."