UnexpectedHippo, the Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change, launched his campaign for the seat of Lincolnshire this afternoon at the Lincolnshire Showground. Despite the overcast conditions, a crowd of supporters and press were gathered to hear the following speech:

‘Good afternoon everybody! It’s great to see so many of you out once again!

‘I’d like to give a particular welcome to the new party members that have joined via the UKIP merger. It is great to see such united front on the centre-right, and I hope that we can achieve great things as the new Conservative and Unionist Party.

‘I think it is telling that there was such a strong feeling between both sides that a union was the right decision: It is clear that there is only one party that can deliver on Brexit, and it is the Conservative and Unionist Party. The party is committed to a global Britain with the freedom and might to strike ground-breaking free trade deals with the rest of the world.

‘I know that many of you will be interested what the Conservatives have to offer in the agricultural industry. We know that the Common Agricultural Policy has led to farmers being forced into using as much land as possible for farming, even if it means making decisions that we all know are not environmentally sound. Well, Brexit means an exit from the Brussels bureaucracy, and this means we can wave goodbye to the CAP. I am sure my good friend /u/leafy_emerald will come and tell us all about the new British Agricultural Policy soon, but you can rest assured that Conservative and Unionist Party will deliver for the farmers of the United Kingdom.

‘Not only that, but we continue to deal with the threats the United Kingdom faces with a strong Home Office policy. My good friend /u/real-friends has already laid out our aims, and I think Lincolnshire is an area which will benefit from our policies. Lincolnshire’s rurality makes armed police response more difficult than in cities, and this county’s fine heritage means that firearms are not as uncommon as one might expect. Whilst the vast majority of gun owners are safe and legal, it would be reckless to dismiss the possibility of gun crime. More investment in armed police means faster response times across the country, and as your Member of Parliament, I promise to fight for the protection Lincolnshire needs.

‘Moreover, only recently in Lincoln have we seen the need to crack down on modern slavery. By increasing the penalties and clarifying the law, we can end this abhorrent crime once and for all.

‘But we can’t do all this without you. The only way you can ensure a proper Brexit is by voting Conservative. The only way you can ensure fiscal stability and prudency is by voting Conservative. The only way you can ensure the safety of your family is by voting Conservative.

‘Thank you all very much, and have a wonderful evening!’

UnexpectedHippo then met with members of the crowd, taking photographs and signing autographs for supporters before leaving the Lincolnshire Showground.