model-kurimizumi is standing next to the River Derwent at Derby River Gardens — near Derby bus station. He peers over the edge, the water rushing past over the weir just behind him. He takes a nervous step forward, away from the edge.

“Good morning Derby! It really is fantastic to be here, in these beautiful gardens. This term has been a success for Derby and the wider region. We’ve planned and passed so many things — from emergency funding for schools affected by RAAC, such as St Elizabeth’s down the road in Belper, to beginning the process of consolidating the energy industry into one united, state-owned GB Energy. I had the honour of serving in the cabinet this term as the Secretary of State for Housing, Communities and Local Government. Towards the end, I became Prime Minister, a responsibility which I did not take on lightly. I believe GroKo made real changes this term, and I want to continue that into the next term.

“Behind me is the Longbridge Weir Hydroelectric power station — used primarily to power the council building just up there.

Kuri points to his right at the council building.

“But surplus supply goes into the national supply. It’s a wonderful project that helps to reduce our emissions through green energy generation. I want to ensure that there is a future for our country, for us, our children, and our grandchildren. Of course, like a lot of rivers, the Derwent behind me is prone to flooding. In fact, it flooded severely with Storm Cristoph earlier this year, with huge swathes of land around Derbyshire flooding. I have to be honest with you about the science. This will only get worse the longer we leave climate change to trundle on. That’s why if you elect me, I will take decisive action now, not later.

“Labour will continue its track record of being serious on climate change. We’ll ensure that the energy industry consolidation goes ahead as planned, unlike the Conservative Party. We will ensure that we build more solar and wind farms up and down the country. And we’ll back microgeneration schemes just like Longbridge Weir so that communities benefit from the power that they generate.

“Longbridge Weir is unique among green energy generation schemes in that its energy output is both predictable and relatively stable. Unfortunately, the same doesn’t apply to solar and wind where gusts and clouds can cause rapid changes in energy output. This currently makes the country reliant on imported gas, including — indirectly — from countries like Russia. I will work with my colleagues in Labour to end this ridiculous situation. We’ll invest in nuclear power, which provides a near constant output, and research energy storage solutions to even out the peaks and troughs of energy output.

“Our commitment to tackling climate change means we’ll be able to move forward our net zero goal to 2040, in line with the recommendation made by the United Nations Secretary-General. We’ll review whether we can reach the goal earlier than this date too.

“A vote for me, model-kurimizumi, is a vote for a future world that we can live in. A vote for Labour is a vote for a bright path forward.”

model-kurimizumi goes around the crowd taking selfies, and answering questions by the crowd that had gathered to listen in from the adjacent bus station.