Silurian Park is filled with Unity supporters, with the smell of hope and the shade of pink adorning Cardiff as Unity’s campaign launch is held. Upon the stage, the host of the event, candidate for Northern Ireland Audreva waves to the cheering crowd, eager to get this started

“Helllllllloooooooooooooooooooooooo Cardiff, how are you all! Its ya gal, former twitter microcelebrity Audreva here, who’s ready to change this nation for the better! We have a great line-up tonight ready to show you what Unity will do for you, so without further ado, please welcome one of our lead candidates, mikiboss!”

Mikiboss walks onstage to cheers from Unity supporters, and reaches the podium

"I'm proud to stand here today to stand alongside colleagues and advocates fighting and standing for the kind of good sense, necessary, and smart policies which we need to make our nation run harder, work better, and be fairer. We need to look past partisan approaches, and look at policies that have broad support and are enactable. We can do things like future-proofing the development of our cities by ensuring we have safe cities, ones which aren't built with flammable cladding or with dangerous stone cutting. We can do things like sensible and smart tax reform to expand our revenue base, rather than pursuing sugar hits like nationalisation without productivity increases, or tax cuts without offsets. We stand for a foreign policy that doesn’t look backwards at decisions that have already been made, but works to make the best with what we've got. We can do all of these things and more, and we will argue for these up to, and following this election, no matter the outcome"

Audreva slides back on

“Thank you Miki! Now, give it up for the Leader of Welsh Unity, Anacornda!”

More cheers erupt as Anacornda walks on stage, eager to address those watching on

“Thank you very much Youma for welcoming us to this campaign, and Audreva for hosting this great event. I am honoured to be leading Welsh Unity in our bid for seats in our first General Election. I am also pleased to be part of Unity in what will be our inaugural election, promising to deliver a new vision for the United Kingdom, a chance for change. A chance to reunite our isles. A chance to see the United Kingdom prosper under a strong centrist balance to Westminster,. Only Unity can deliver this, under the incredible leadership of Youmaton. We will ensure the people of Wales are not neglected, ensuring we are recognised as equals as part of the Union, supporting the hopes and ambitions to achieve a bigger and brighter future. Both financial support, through increases in Westminster funding and infrastructural, through transport links among other bright projects will be initiated with Unity in the balance of power to allow Wales to thrive. Unity will be fighting for the rights of workers, especially in their right to protest. It is a fundamental right that all workers are entitled to and should be supported and recognised to allow them to have their voices heard where they are otherwise being ignored. This week the people have a choice, the status quo, or a brighter future for the United Kingdom, under a Unity government to ignite a brighter future for the UK. I urge everyone to vote for Unity this week and support us in making changes to better the lives of everyone.”

Audreva somehow appears at the back of the audience, still holding the microphone

“Thank you Anaaaa! Now, time for the person we have been waiting for, the founder of Unity, former Prime Minister Youma!”

Audreva disappears into thin air, as Youma walks on stage

“Thank you Audreva, and hello Cardiff! It is incredible to be back in Wales with so many wonderful and talented volunteers, eager and ready to promote a new message of change and progress. Whilst they may have doubted us a month ago, just look at us now, surging in the polls, with a comprehensive policy platform, and parties already considering us to be a genuine candidate for balance of power in the new parliament. This is what happens when the people of the United Kingdom say that enough is enough, those in charge get nervous, start spinning lies, and eventually admit that we can make a difference to politics. The message I want to share with all of you, to all of Wales and to all of the United Kingdom, is one of hope, that our politics can be sensible once again. The people of the United Kingdom are tired of extremism, they are tired of endless nationalisations, they are tired of politicians not listening to them, and with a viable alternative now here, we are ready to take this message to Westminster. Together we can restore sense to our defence policy. Together we can restore pride in our foreign policy. Together we can reinvigorate our economy and fix the economic mismanagement we have seen from this government. If you want stability, if you responsibility, if you want hope, its time for a change, its time to bring back balance, and its time to put Unity in the balance of power, thank you Cardiff!”