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Swimming up the south coast of Cornwall swiftly became the south coast of Devon, the Conservative and Unionist Party for Cornwall and Devon thrashed through the waters like a speedboat, before turning left up the glistening waters of the River Exe and finally jumping on the banks of Exeter city centre next to Salmonpool Lane - an aptly named street for such an occasion. Passers-by double-taked in sheer surprise at the site before them, as Sephronar turned on his self-drying suit and clipped in his heelys before speeding off across the A3015 and up Barrack Road - making a B-Line for Royal Devon and Exeter Hospital which lay just a few hundred metres away - speeding past the Wyvern Army Barracks, making sure to salute each and every serviceperson which served there as he did so.

In this journey, Sephronar had amassed quite the following - it felt that half of the city of Exeter was behind him, sprinting to keep up with the candidate's heely skills - there was yet again a resounding buzz in the air at the candidate's presence, almost as if they could feel the winds of change trailing behind him, the smell of potential emanating from their Godly aura. They all wanted to get in on this experience, and they were not going to miss it for the world.

Arriving at the site of Royal Devon and Exeter Hospital, Sephronar did a triple backflip before landing on the steps of the Wonford Hospital site - cradled in the arms of several dashing junior doctors.

"Good morning everyone! What a pleasure it is to be here - and thank you for everything that you do to keep us all safe, the United Kingdom would genuinely be a much worse place without you, and that is why we attempted to pass a Motion this term, written by myself, that called on the Government to guarantee a National Health Service which will always be free at the point of use. But do you know what they did instead? They voted against it, they turned it down - God knows why, perhaps because they are all planning to privatise it if you elect them for another term (not that a minority government is a particularly strong mandate for change anyway), and instead of guaranteeing an NHS which is free for all, they have presented and passed exactly zero policy this term on the subject of Health and Social Care. Do you think that is acceptable? Because I certainly do not! A Conservative and Unionist Party-led Government would never let you down so terribly, because we know just how important our front line NHS services are - people like you literally save lives, so why would we not ensure that this institution and you as NHS workers are protected?"

"But any case, I'm sure you are all keeping that fact at the top of your minds in this election, and are getting ready to kick out a Solidarity candidate as your Member of Parliament in this constituency - that's the main way that you can express your discontent after all; sadly you can't vote out a Government, but you can vote out a specific MP, and do not forget that the Member of Parliament that you voted for (just about - 9,000 vote majority over me) abandoned you at the first possible opportunity, immediately joining the House of Lords! At least when I joined the House of Lords it was as the Marquess of St Ives - an area in this constituency which I was and am extremely fortunate to represent. I love our constituency, it is my home, and I would never let you down like that."

"But please show me around this amazing hospital! I am eager to see what brilliant services that you have here!"

Making their way through the Bowmoor House entrance, the candidate was shown through several departments along the corridor - the Hematology Centre, the award winning Cardiology Unit, and of course the Royal Mail Post Box - before arriving at the Short Stay School, upon which time several press ops were taken with students. The tour group then made their way out of the back entrance through the Princess Elizabeth Orthopaedic Centre, and into the RD&E First Steps Nursery.

Surrounded by young children astounded at the presence of such an amazing person, the candidate stood up tall on a mini-chair and addressed the constituents, while the media scrambled to get a good shot of the speech:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Babies, I was pleased to have just received a tour of the main centre of the hospital - and while I am of course blown away by both the amazing health service staff that we have here in RD&E Hospital, and what they are doing here with the equipment and services that they have access to, it is woefully clear to me that they have been let down by this Government. They are clearly underfunded, overstretched, and close to breaking point - and to me, there is only one way to level the blame."

"This Government has had six months to change things in the United Kingdom for the better - and what have they done with that time? They have played around with their model train sets, and nationalised a couple of things; that is a terrible disservice to the men and women who work here at RD&E, and they quite frankly deserve better than this Government. There has been absolutely nothing delivered this term in terms of Health and Social Care policy - what an absolute bloody joke that is; at least it would be if millions of people's lives did not depend on the services that the National Health Service provides. How is it that a Government elected to serve the people completely neglects the people's basic needs such as Health - and that is before you even begin to consider the other departments that have had no policy announced this term, such as Justice, such as Foreign Affairs even! Is this really what you want or expect from your Government? I know that it is not what I expect from mine - I demand better."

"But the people at the top of the minority coalition Government have had plenty of time to do something, and they have failed, and now you the people are quite rightly demanding better - and I am here to give you better. The Conservative and Unionist Party stand poised and ready for Government, after a term of preparing ourselves to lead. We have build ourselves up again in the polls, and we are hoping for considerable gains in this election - maybe as many as forty seats in Parliament - and if that happens we will be opening talks with parties such as Labour, the Liberal Democrats, and maybe new parties such as Unity who have entered the fray. But let me be clear, we will not under any circumstances enter into Government with Solidarity, because - ideology differences aside - they have let you down this term, and you deserve better, we will not under any circumstances enable them to carry on serving you in Government; because they do not serve you, they only take for themselves, and we cannot allow that any longer."

"We have an ambitious plan if we are elected to serve you in Government - it is a programme for Government, a wishlist if you like of the British people, of things that we know that you have been calling out for now for far too long, and we want to give these things to you! We call our manifesto 'the plan for tomorrow', because we know that the future does not have to be so bleak - things can change if you vote for that change. For those of you who have already read our manifesto, you'll know just how exciting it is throughout - but I am here to speak to you specifically today about the policies that we have put together to support and revive our National Health Service; because I know what a huge priority that is to you all. You want to feel safe, you want to know that if you get sick or hurt then you will be healed by the miracle workers in places such as this - and I am sad that at the moment you don't feel that you are safe from harm. We will change that - and our manifesto outlines how."

"First and foremost, we are proud to repeat our commitment to the freedom and affordability of the National Health Service, because we recognise just how important the institution of a National Health Service which is free to use is for the United Kingdom - we will protect our NHS, and be proud of the strong foundations that we have built it on, and we will immediately make a Statement to the House of Commons guaranteeing that a Conservative Government will protect a National Health Service which is free at the point of us. Ultimately, when it comes down to it, issues such as this should not be political - they are not a matter of left wing or right wing, they are a matter of what is right and what is wrong - and it is only right to protect an NHS free at the point of use. But sadly the Government do not see it that way, sadly they have politicised the NHS, and who knows what their plans are - it genuinely would not surprise me at this point if they made moves to privatise the NHS."

"Keeping in with this theme of protecting our institutions and your security as people who live in this great country as well, we want to be clear to you that we strongly believe that this 'free at the point of use' principle in our eyes does not only apply to frontline NHS services - but to all services offered as a part of the National Health Services; so we will guarantee free prescriptions for example, so that no one is locked out of accessing life-changing medication, and we will go even further than this too. As many of you will know, dentistry has been a personal priority of mine this term - but the Government have consistently ignored it, batting away questions that I asked in Health MQs with sarcastic or half-assed replies - so I wanted to do something radical with our policy on NHS dentistry in this manifesto. So we are pledging to not only boost the numbers of NHS dentists back up to the vital number of 25,000 that we have stumbled down from in recent years, but we will go much further than that. We are promising to bring NHS dentistry properly into the NHS family - meaning that any NHS dental treatment that you receive, whether that be check ups, crowns, root canals, anything - any NHS dental treatment will be free, and you will be granted the right to receive that treatment as part of the NHS duty of care. No one should have to endure damaged or painful teeth because of unaffordability. We will do this alongside reforming the NHS contract, and workforce requirements, and will make a Statement on this as soon as we are fortunate enough to form a Government to serve you."

"Of course, while the National Health Service is a national treasure - they can't get everything right! I mean who can, right? No one is perfect. We recognise that there is a lot of waste in the NHS - whether that be overspending on equipment such as gloves, or unnecessarily complex or inefficient administration - estimates put this waste at as much as £7 Billion. We will embark on a review of NHS Waste, and reallocate this funding immediately into frontline services such as nurses and doctors, or life saving equipment. That is our promise to you, we will cut out all of the waste in the NHS so that they can serve you efficiently."

"I want to finish by saying that I recognise how agonising waiting times can be when you are trying to get life-saving treatment such as operations - and we want to change that. People wait far too long for treatment, and sadly the Government have ignored that simple duty of Government - we will reduce waiting times for any treatments (urgent or non-urgent) to a maximum of one month, so that you are given the treatment that you deserve urgently so that you can enjoy a full life as soon as properly, and your time is not robbed by inefficiency."

"These are our promises to you, and my promise as the candidate for this constituency is that I will fight for Cornwall and Devon's fair share - and as I plan to be serving at the top of Government, I can see that being a very real possibility!"

"Thank you all so much for your time, make sure that you get out and vote on Polling Day!"

Finishing his speech, the candidate jumped and glided down into the crowd of infants, kissing numerous babies on the head much to the shock of many mothers their - he then bolted out the door towards his next campaign event, but was chased down by local Exeter Chiefs rugby team player Gabby Cantorna, before passing out on the pavement.