PWP: A Series of Unfortunate Events

Oh boy oh boy. It is not often I personally sit down to write some press. In fact I do it sparingly, choosing only to do so on notable occasions, the last one that comes to mind is my 1 year in leadership. It’s not a common occurrence at all. So it must be something really special to make me sit down and put pen to paper as it were - and by god it is.

It’s not often that another party decides to perform a political boycott of the leadership of another party. There is a good reason for that. It is silly, childish and immature. But we are talking about the Petulant Workers Party after all. A little earlier this evening, u/KalvinLokan made me aware that in light of recent events that the PWP would be refusing to work with me and my leadership team due to my leaking of DMs. I will be honest with you when I say I laughed. I thought he was joking, and then realised he was not with the oh so ominous line of “it will be the last time” (in before he calls me out for leaking again!).

But what does he mean it will be the last time? Has it happened before? Well no. Not quite. Kalvin refers to when I questioned him about his support for the Devaluation and he professed he had no idea what was going on. Later on when we forced a debate upon the devaluation he took an incredibly aggressive and personal tone with many of the opposition figures who dared to criticise this policy (a running theme). I found it rather pertinent to highlight how he was being very combative for someone who was completely unaware of what was going on not so long ago. ..

For those of you confused I hope that clears it up. It wasn’t a full blown leak, it was incredibly minor actually and something only he picked up on but as we say, we move. Now onto the meat and bones of it.

I will happily admit that I leaked my private conversations with Eddy. I did and I am not ashamed of it. He proceeded to lie to the Prime Minister, the House and presumably his own party and co-leader (unless they were complicit) who he goes on to call power hungry (not that he’s wrong). I kept my conversations with Eddy private up until that point however when a Secretary of State, from a Great Office of State lies to the House, as the Official Opposition you cannot let that stand whatever your relationship may be.

This is where the PWP gets a bit quirky. They’re willing to defend an egregious breach of all Parliamentary conventions we hold dear and proclaim undying loyalty for Eddy while in the same breath defending the Prime Minister, their coalition partner, for sacking one of their members from their cabinet role. On top of that, they or should I say the Transport Secretary believed it was the right move. So Eddy’s lying to the House was okay, lying to the Prime Minister was okay, sacking Eddy for doing this was okay, but ensuring that the public were aware of this wasn’t? What sort of stance is that? Not content with bypassing the public, the PWP also revealed that they were intending on taking The Times to court. Why do I hear you cry? Because it had dared to publicise the truth, exercising its abilities given to it by the freedom of the press (watch them come for me next).

What a turbulent morning it was! And here I was thinking that’s as bad as it would get. I’m sure you can understand my shock therefore when Kalvin announced we were being cordon sanitaired by them. This was a decision not just a leadership only decision, but a decision of the Presidium too. The who I hear you cry? Yes, the Presidium. No it’s not the top floor of the citadel, it’s the middle layer of the weird 5 man party bureaucracy each equipped with their own individual faction of 1. I would tell you who they are but I’m not even sure they know themselves; it’s not like I can really ask anymore either. I often used to think the ills with the PWP were at the head but alas the rot spreads through the branches and into the roots. I’m slightly confused as to how our devolved branches will ever work together, given that the members of the Presidium (as far as one knows) lead their devolved parties. It’ll be quite awkward when I turn up and they suddenly have to pretend that I don’t exist.

What are the repercussions of this? Well, isolation really. They’re alienating their only true Unionist allies (although their unionist commitments have been called into question as of late) and it’s no secret that the memberships of Solidarity and Labour are at the very least unimpressed with the PWP thus far. With an increasingly smaller membership, a lack of allies and friends and barely a vision for the future I’d be surprised if the PWP survived in its current form past the next election. The sad thing is, it’s a bed of their own making and they will have to lie in it. Sometimes factors don’t go your way, other times you fuck up and you have to take responsibility. The PWP have pathologically avoided this at every point and will continue to pay the consequences well into the future. Let’s hope nothing goes wrong eh.

Written by Sir u/Chi0121, Leader of the Opposition