Almost a month ago I took mdma for the first time and during that night I had 3 pills with 3 hrs on average between each pill. I know it was a mistake and my friends shouldn’t have gave me the 2 other pills since it was my first time. It took me 4 days after that to crash and it was a living hell. I never felt that down or close to death like I felt for 2-3 days (it took me 10 days to start relaxing and feeling like I’m in control of my mind).

Ever since then I also noticed some positive outcomes including decreased social anxiety, I started going to the office everyday cause I don’t want to work alone from home. I’m seeing my friends more too.

My problem now is that I still feel panicky with increased heart rate and some difficulty breathing when I remember how overwhelmed it felt at the beginning (the rest of the night was amazing) and something in me is scared to do this again but I would like to enjoy a night like this every 4-5 months.

I did not ask a health professional but I’m telling myself that I traumatized myself and what I’m experiencing is a sign of trauma (feeling panicky and anxious when thinking about the night/ the drug) and I can’t stop worrying.

I’m healthy 26 years old, fit and physically active but I did have depression and anxiety in the past but before I do the drug I was happy and satisfied with what I have (I still feel that now). Did any of you experience something similar and how did you help yourself?