It's been on my mind for far too long. I snorted around 330mg for three consecutive days. I was hydrated, and was at home. A week or two later I popped two XTC pills.

From what I know, permanent damage is only caused by long term chronic use. I understand that my mind would take a LONG time to rebalance itself. I was 16 at the time.

I was going through ALOT of abuse. Which was why I was doing drugs. It's a big regret of mine. I hate the fact I consumed substances, but it was the only way to escape the hell I was in.

I just want to move on with my life. Thoughts on my drug use consume my day to day existence.

My mental state is really complex, not only am I struggling with the effects of abuse, but I am also struggling with the implications of my drug use.

I have other addictions which definitely lower my mood to a significant degree. I don't believe Mandy is to blame for my current low mood, but the thought of me damaging my brain fuels my current addiction. It's a terrifying cycle.

The regret and shame is really messing with my psychological health. I want to move on from that chapter of my life, but the implications of my past are making it difficult.

There's so much conflicting information out there, and it's driving me crazy. I just want clear cut answers that I can trust.

I don't know if I can bare the fact that I've ruined myself. I'm a grown man, and I'm in tears writing this. I wasn't thinking, I just wanted an escape. I didn't care about my life back then, but I do now.