I've done a fair amount of drugs in my teens. I wouldn't say I abused any heavily. I cycled through them, so I wasn't using one particular drug all the time (apart from weed but I quit a while ago). And I think that I had a fair amount of time sober (my teen years are hazy due to abuse).

I rolled on a £20 bag of Mandy for three days straight and double dropped about a week or so after when I was 16. I am utterly ashamed of myself and regret it deeply. I was hydrated and I did sleep.

Is this kind of usage terrible for the brain?? I see other peoples posts of rolling for an extended period of time, so I know I'm not alone. I've heard of people dropping a gram at a time. These facts don't make me feel any better, because these people may have fucked themselves and I don't want that to be the case with me, although I do sympathise with them and feel an immense amount of sadness for them.

I am very ambitious and want to be successful. I would be very hurt if my past mdma usage would hinder me reaching my goals. This has been on my mind for a while and I really crave a resolve to this insecurity. Does this sort of usage effect a person in any meaningful way?? Does it mess up intelligence?? Does it alter hormones?? Am I over thinking things??

I don't tolerate people who simply say "your fucked" and regurgitate some information they picked up from another Reddit post. I am well aware of the power games that are played in this sub, so none of that please. I WILL not be forced underneath people who want to exploit my vulnerability, so don't even try it.

I am a 21 year old male, if that's at all relevant.

If anyone has similar feelings please reach out.

Edit: I didn't get brain zaps, and I didn't meet the shadow people. I just felt depressed for around a week or so.