I realize fear of doing drugs that can aid in introspection is fear of one’s self. That’s what it is essentially, you are scared of yourself; scared of seeing the parts you know you’ve pushed down and suppressed because you gotta keep going.

Life’s been wonderful in indescribable ways, but sometimes it’s not easy and you compartmentalize to keep going.

Tomorrow I have the chance to do MDMA in the most special set and setting and on earth. Some of you won’t believe that, but I genuinely believe it’s an objective reality. 500 psychonauts and many of them elders and pioneers of the field of psychedelic therapy - all in unison with one goal: advance the research of psychedelics.

I realized I put people like Rick Doblin on a pedestal. After many times of meeting him, I still find him an incredible human being, kind (and cute like a teddy bear, I think you’ll know what I mean if you know him). But he shits and breathes just like I do, and there’s nothing wrong with admiration, it’s just important to realize you can have a positive impact on the world just as much as they have.

I know im in for the trip I need, not the one I want, and I wish it was my choice, but I feel I know there are some stuff I can’t escape, and I know that it’ll all be better once I deal with it. I know MDMA is gentle and full of love, but it’s been a really long time. I hope you cradle me with love.

I tested the mdma, it’s 126mg per pills but I’m still considering taking measured crystal. What would you do? I heard tums is great to prolong the peak, but what is that called in the Netherlands?

To love and healing for all.