Hi,

I (20F) have never been able to feel MDMA. I've tried tested powder from 2 different reputable DN vendors with hundreds to thousands of great reviews. As time goes on I've been able to feel it more, but I really only feel a little stimulated and talkative while my pupils are huge. I swear kratom feels wayyy better, and I feel like I'm missing out because it's nothing like anyone describes it to be.

For context, I was on Zoloft from the start of 2022 to summer 2023, and then I cross-tapered to Effexor and quit Effexor in December 2023. I currently take lamotrigine 150mg, wellbutrin 300mg, and buspirone 3x10mg. Skipping my meds for a few days has never made a difference in my ability to feel MDMA. It's either extremely subtle, slightly noticable, or nothing at all. I've taken up to 150mg plus a redose (I know that's probably excessive but I was just so frustrated). Notably, even though I quit Effexor literally half a year ago, I still get spontaneous brain zaps sometimes when I move my eyes laterally; it just seems to come and go. I'm so scared that being on SSRIs/SNRIs for so long broke me because the brain zaps will just happen randomly for a day or two out of nowhere and it's literally been half a year. I assume that my long term SSRI/SNRI use is what's causing me to not be able to feel MDMA or only subtly, but I'm not sure what to do. Is it really going to get better if I just keep waiting, with respect to both my ability to feel MDMA and the recurring brain zaps?

For a timeline, I first tried MDMA in January 2024 (1 month off Effexor) and felt nothing. I tried again in February (2 months off Effexor) and still nothing (I know that breaks the 3-month rule, sorry). I tried again this month (6 months off Effexor) and I felt somewhat tingly, then I noticed things got decently brighter and I was more talkative, but barely any sort of rush or euphoria. My pupils were huuuuuge though, so isn't it still releasing serotonin like it should? It's just got me very disheartened. For additional context, I've been able to feel xanax, kratom, oxycodone, THC, HHC, phenibut, tianeptine, LSD, alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, and dextromethorphan just fine. Am I just broken?