triggering content below, don't read if you're sensitive to s*xual ass*ult

so back in january i was sadly SA'd and my assaulter forced me to take MDMA (along with a few other things) whilst he assaulted me. which of course was confusing because i was enjoying myself but also getting assaulted. anyway, i'm convinced that part of me is sympathetic for him and misses him because of the MDMA he made me take (along with the stockholm syndrome)

i've just been diagnosed with CPTSD as well and i've seen all the research around MDMA and PTSD therapy so i think it might be a bit theraputic for me

so i'm about to roll for the first time since then and hoping it will help me get over what happened a little bit more

feel free to ask questions lol