Hi everyone. I have been poly for over a year now and struggling to date. My last female relationship ended.... Ended in a way that left me feeling rejected as a sexual person... Maybe more?

She told me she was a Dom but her words never aligned with her actions for me... Where I am very submissive she never did anything dom like. Other than intensely eat me out... Which sounds great to some people but I hate it. I can't stand being touched in that way... Oh my body reacts but I don't mentally enjoy the sensation at all. I am mentally repulsed most of the time by the idea. I'll do it for my partner. Have a humiliation kink? There you go. But enjoy it or want it or desire it? Not really.

This isn't usually a problem. But after I told my last girlfriend, she never touched me sexually again. We still dates for a few months. She came over. She told me the intimate details about her sex life. But I didn't exist to her that way anymore.

And now I'm looking for a mommy and all I can think is how I'm going to be this failure. That I'm not going to be able to please her this way or I'll have to endure something gross or I'll be to insecure to want. My fears and loneliness are all that are filling my mind ATM and I'm just not sure what to do besides fake it till I make it.