Someone insulting me and failing to hurt my feels just means more writing now apparently.

Ah, that's what the MULLs address for me personally, that's my personal motivated reason, I guess the selfish one, my sense of injustice is triggered by someone trying to tell me who or what I am (or anyone for that matter) rather than just asking me. I am also not required to share anything with anyone else ever unless they deserve it. You, random Redditor, have no right to an answer, so you don't get one. Everyone here does though right? Yay!!! I trust you guys!!! 💙

This is not a MULL, it's just me.

Huh, okay. Let's try an experiment that should help you get some clarity about why sex requires trust and why the LL (and by extension the LLC) boundaries have to be so strong:

I hereby announce that I am absolutely done living under other people's assumptions.

Unless I have told you something, assume nothing. It's that simple. If you want to make assumptions without data, without facts, then I'll just leave you to it. (I also would normally never trust anyone on the internet , but I'm not like, taking my own advice really either, so yeah.)

Oh, that's why we can't trust anyone, the internet made strangers able to enter your house without your consent...Oh, wait, that's just advertising! Oh, okay, internet fine, profit motivated human right to knowledge or entertainment - problem. Huh. You can't keep a human need (learning) behind a paywall. Who knew? Oh, I did! (Guessing several of you have hands up too.) Plus you made everyone feel unsafe and scared. Ugh. Panicking, scared, unsafe human (animals) = everything harder!

I withdraw my consent for anyone to make any assumptions about me ever.

You don't have my permission. Any assumptions you make are a rape (2nd Definition: "an outrageous violation" which is my personal definition for clarification, because I am absolutely outraged by anyone thinking my boundaries are a suggestion, not a fucking wall, and yours should be just as serious to you! Ok, if they aren't, you might have low self-esteem or maybe read this). They are an attempted rape if you try to give them to me when I fully do not want them and have said no and revoked my consent in writing.

Your assumptions, your responsibility, not my circus, not my monkey. Do not bother me with them I do not care. They are faulty data and you've just proven I can't trust you, so you're very unlikely to get any additional information or help from someone you tried to violate. You don't invade the country then ask for tea and sympathy from the new citizens you just assumed control over.

You have no right to try and impose your opinion or assumptions on me when you just had to ask me if I was interested. That's all. I might have been!

I'm damn sure not, NOW - you tried to break into my home (my head) and throw shit everywhere! No. Fuck you. If I say fuck you it's an individual beacon to me that someone just tried to throw shame somewhere. I rejected that shame violently, "absolutely not in our home" . You animal. Have some respect. Have some fucking self-control. Right?

Shame cannot exist in the same place as love and I am literally so stuffed full of fucking love I give birth to new worlds just so I have somewhere to put my overflow. That's why I'm doing stupid unpaid volunteer internet janitor stuff as a fun hobby. I love showing people they deserve love. I love making people feel loved. I can find something to love about absolutely anyone, my love is truly unconditional, once you back the fuck off my boundaries.

Because the only reason you don't get love from me is...

...if you stepped to them (my always very clearly defined fucking boundaries lol) like you were a threat to my home. I have enough abuse and trauma (so do just about all of us) to have diamond defense against other people and their shit lol. Because of that, I can't live with or love a threat. And again, only a threat to my happiness! Not even physical threats, that's just like no way ever, for every human, that's just survival instinct. Violence solves absolutely nothing without complete and total domination of the loser. If they can still fight back, you didn't win, you just delayed your loss. Does no one read Sun Tzu anymore? Siddhartha? Machiavelli? Diplomatic solutions only, unless you're only interested in conquer. But remember, Spiderman people, "great power, great responsibility", and all the people in power want is just to keep it. They just keep defending their boundaries, right? No responsibility in sight, however, which again, is the problem. Luckily, I see more stupid, selfish behavior rather than truly dangerous people, so we're good! Right? All that matters is they don't mean to hurt us right? right? ^Oh,no...

Enthusiastic consent (to me) means "I give you the power temporarily to try and make this awesome for me and I'll try to do the same for you".

If you completely fail to make it even a little awesome, we're gonna have a bad time. I'm going to be less excited next time. And if you had a bad time, same problem no matter how I felt about it, especially if my enthusiasm is only good for me when shared!

Then it's exponential disappointment after that moment, because all "excite" is replaced by "disappoint". Then it takes so, so much more to overcome the disappointment, and eventual lack of trust. What else (if we are only looking at sex in isolation) would you deliberately fail at and then learn and get better?

Oh right, it's just education. It's the safest environment to make mistakes. That's all therapy is, a place you've decided is safe. It's a experiment that requires parameters and guidelines and trust because you don't give a 5 year old nukes to play with. Well, atomic science experiments used to be sold at toy stores, until we got more data. See, humans have been stuck in the old mindset that they had all the data they needed much like HLs think they have all the data and they super almost never do. The ones that do are the ones who would have said "Eh, they won a war with that, that's a weapon, that needs to be treated with respect, it's not a toy". You didn't have enough data so you didn't act. You are careful!

That's why trust is so important, and why sex can start awful and get better, people study it and experiment with it and practice it together like a hobby, of course that's continuing education, of course it's just making stuff better! But you have to be protective of the stuff you care about! It requires care, respect, attentiveness, who the fuck can focus to open an aspirin bottle in as much pain as HLs seem to feel, right? Well, you'll want to make them feel better so you open yourself up to be their pain relief and fuck that slope is just ridiculous, right? I'm going full Tool - "learn to ski". That's my advice since you're going to risk your body and brain, learn how to do it safely while keeping the responsibleness for your boundaries to yourself. Oh wait, then you're the "refuser" the "denier" the "gatekeeper of sex". Nope, they fully missed the part where you sacrificed! They didn't appreciate it when you did, so why keep doing it? Is it not insanity for anyone on either side of the bed too keep repeating the same action expecting different results? Like, quite honestly, that's the definition of insanity in my book at least. Have you considered masochism? Might be more fun, they have hard standards on consent! Contracts! Rules! Consequences! Just saying. Religion is volunteer masochism in a socially acceptable way. But no one does it right so who cares.

Now, imagine the hypothetical ADD or OCD kid who just cannot get interested, cannot get hyperfocal on their partner as a special interest subject. That person, their sexuality, is never going to be an interesting enough project for that particular ND person (unless they want it to be suddenly, then look out, lol). They are a student in the wrong class, wrong subject, no interest, no joy.

Does not mean they can't have an absolutely awesome life with whoever, it just means their disability isn't gonna help them be the attentive partner they might have been for a former partner who they were hyperfocal with. That means it's going to cost more, take more work and effort to be excited, interested, dedicated, focused, careful, respectful. And again, that's assuming unmedicated for whatever reason because it's not great to be in that mode, but if your brain is going to fight you your whole life, and you lack the money, power or access to get any real, tangible help like life-saving medication, eventually some people hack their disability to make it work for them (RD peeps might find that familiar) because you can't get it to go away lol. Ah, therapy!

Oh, FYI, one more fact, I'm retired now. Officially as of today, I am unemployed, uninsured, living in the first world and I'm pretty sure I'm going to die here without getting any help from anyone. I've accepted that, so I have peace, joy, love, boundless love. Can't take love for humans to any other place since this is where the humans are! Use your love wisely people! It's not a renewable resource without the perpetual engine. Again, I used to design and build those for a living, but nope! Not anymore. Now I'm just going to say everything cause why not! I am going to tell everyone how much I fucking love the absolute shit out of them. I do, I truly love you, I want to be in love with you, I would love you so hard it would fill you up forever. But you would have to want that and I'm guessing most people read that and went "omg creepy Belle!" And yep, it would be if I was going to do it without your consent, but nope, no worries.

I WANT TO SO BAD.

But I swear, on whatever life I have left to sacrifice on this pointless-clown-meme-world, I will never ever love a single human without their enthusiastic consent. Waste of time. Fuck I need to like, find a field somewhere I feel like Joann of Arc (the craft store people and math, nothing religious, don't assume!)... And then sword fight with someone. Fuck I need my husband. See, I NEED MY HUSBAND for something completely unsexy. Virtually always lol. Sex is the cherry on my Sundays or Tuesday or 6 times yesterday because I was working out some stuff and my husband loves when I just use him for stress relief... Oh, wait, what? Yep, I used the shit out of my husband. Too far Belle! Um, y'all, I had his enthusiastic consent.

I (still, stupid brain chemicals!) think of it as using (subconsciously, it shows up in the choice of words I used, right?) because I feel guilt because I worry about what he's getting out of it. Even when I need him, it only happens if he can fill a need too. So for him, it was "oh holy shit yes so much sex is good yes good any time yes" but I still have to ASK him and explain it to him every single time so he knows everything he's agreeing to before we start.

Because I'm a domme guys (not in bed with my husband, just as a very real part of my sexuality and sexual identity, which is why I hate with a passion when people think all LLs are just "subs", like, no! don't assume! ASK! Who knows what they are?! You don't even understand that word! It's a personal definition from a person not a title! Unless they want it to be! Consent!), like that's the whole point.

Consent is very real life or death thing when you want to suspend someone from the ceiling with rope. That's like, very basically, a consensual adult hanging someone else with their (often, very enthusiastic) consent. Talk about trust, right? I understand how to earn trust so since I'm no longer anything but a person on the internet (with decades of experience now but no worries, I am not here to convince anyone, never was, never will be! Of anything! Ever! I'm just here to show you the data.) I'm going to give you so much stuff. Fuck it. Absolutely fuck it. Everything should be free if it's about saving a human life. Everything. Otherwise why cherry pick? Either all humans or none. You simply don't have enough data to do anything to anyone else, none of you. Not even I do!

Please stop inflicting yourself on others, sit alone and figure yourself out first. Love yourself before going out into the world because you will never be happy until you do so why waste time and effort when you're all saddled up for failure from the start without proper training? Why get behind the wheel without training? Training isn't just so you can learn how to drive, remember, defensive driving is all about owning your space and learning how to avoid or neutralize threats behind the wheel. How else will you avoid people who are selfish behind their wheel, speeding towards you on the wrong side while you were just minding your business, since you can't teleport into their car and like, take over? If you can, please tell us how!

Because you're arrogant? Because other people who knew what they were doing made it look easy? Because fictional characters can or do?

Misplaced usually, but sure, you might have a natural talent! If you do, great! But most people just don't. Psychopaths and sociopaths, for example, they have the logical reasoning, emotional distance and determination to drive any car! Most people agree that, on the whole, while super effective, maybe not the manner we want everyone to behave or drive right? Because those motivations are by definition - selfish - from that individual self (the sociopaths agree that the psychopaths are the real issue if that helps eye roll because they just want to "joyride the car and return it safely, but maybe without the stereo or tires"...). You can drive any car for selfish reasons, that doesn't mean you know how to drive it the way the owner wants or intends! That just means you popped it in neutral and are coasting down an incline, oh no wait that's a slippery slope AAAAHHHHHhhhhh^hhhhhhhhh

You (in general, hypothetical "you") can't force people to enjoy things, like sex, work or labor. Mostly because good sex has to usually involve some effort (not always, just saying). And reward systems have to make sense, compared to the amount of time, effort and energy. The conservation of all three gives you the formula for how to problem solve and decision make effectively and efficiently.

You have to have internal motivation or it doesn't work. It should be absolutely normal (human history normal not like r/\normal or r/\HFY-normal) for us to see the poor guy trapped in the wrong job that he hates and wonder why they don't just do something else. It's just risk. It's fear. So, that guy needs to be fearless, but in a way that DOES NOT HURT ANYONE ELSE. Hard to find in the modern world, right?

So the reason we can't get to this nirvana where everyone only has the sex they want to have is because no one (literally almost no one lol) is in the right job. People agree they are largely miserable, vulnerable against their will, so they all react defensively. Like, those people agree that they want the solid 20 years in an easy, effortless career, then the nice retirement, but they are ONLY here for that. They find the actual job stupid and pointless. Learn where the clit/prostate is? Ughhh whyyyyyyyy. So, gig-economy dating. Tinder. Extract what you want, leave the rest. We're strip mining the sexuality of the planet... I'm sure that's fine! Weren't we (humans) looked at in hindsight as geniuses for our resource management?!

That attitude: entitled, selfish, but desperate and can't possibly get any other job, that's the whole problem. With that attitude and resume and experience, who's going to hire them without additional training, so yeah. People are too tired to work. on. themselves. any. more - they are exhausted. They keep telling everyone that but no one listens because who cares? Do stuff human! They want external solutions that require no risk or loss, no more pain or disappointment, they need help from outside because their house is on fire. They are just in so much pain and just can't anymore. They are already out of everything needed to succeed at life. Mostly empathy. That'd be the world's fault. But it means they can't even do the stuff to get better because they are too tired to care.

People in (emotional, mental) pain are irrational drug addicts seeking pain relief (happy brain chemicals) lol. Ah, so that's why they really keep asking for accomodations and demanding things, right? They legit do not even see their own issues any more, their own pain blinds them to anyone else's (or anyone else in general). They believe they are saving people. I promise you they are not. I could prove it, but again, who has the perfect judgment anymore, if they're in so much pain, to hear the evidence?

If sex required a diligence and a dedication, and fun and exciting stuff, and just so much unbelievable pleasure to be defined as "real sex (not really just discussion)" or whatever, and you got nothing out of it, you would probably just want a less stressful hobby like Animal Crossing or gardening or anything productive, because you'll feel so fucking useless, like a failure at life, really. And then you need actual tangible proof for yourself that sex isn't useless or why wouldn't you pivot to your next priority that gives you pain relief? FYI, solving your problems is pain relief, which is why things or people become addictive, it's just because it works. Humans are absolutely addicted to shit that works. We even find creative ways to make shit work in ways it absolutely should not just for funsies! Uh oh, that sounds dangerous, right? It should!

But no one wants to do drugs responsibly, so yeah. If you think sex solves anything, that's because it's easy for you. It's a solution. That just means you need someone else who also thinks it's a solution or you're just making your pain relief someone else's responsibility just because you assume they wanted to or got the same thing or whatever. Spoiler, no. You have to spell that out in writing. It's work and effort even when it's blissfully easy, sex is still work and effort because it requires trust.

Or, alternatively, it requires people who don't need trust. Drug addicts addressed this even, by taking advantage (for anyone without a death wish, maybe?) of things like needle exchange programs. Because back in the day drugs were just another hobby. People could just lie, however, about where they got that cough before they passed the opium pipe to their buddy in 1919. Or about whether they had unprotected sex in 1981. So, even drugs have been corrupted by untrustworthy people. Shocking. Shocking I say. People who turned to anything to try and get pain relief would need something that worked better than their drug of choice or they won't consider any other solution. Until they hit rock bottom and can no longer access their drug of choice. But like any addict , oldest rule in the human book, someone has to want to change before change is possible for them. If you have a problem or are in pain, that's your responsibility. No one else cares as much as you do. But again, that doesn't mean you can hurt other people to try and get better. It does not work. I promise!

Even drugs used to be a very human solution. Really, drugs, which are just brain hacks to feel love and joy even when there's none around, were revered by most cultures, but then humans started getting selfish... So stop limiting people, they are gonna do it anyway, they need pain relief. For a bunch of doctors, it's amazing to me that we had an opioid "epidemic" even though all I could see were a ton of people in pain with zero hope (because hope is toxic if you're being tortured), who needed their actual, underlying problems solved, but that's just like, not a thing anymore? We just blame the "problem" and declare "war on" shit IT Crowd-style because of ego? Because no one has any solution they can all agree on. Because the people in pain that aren't on drugs are terrified of being violated by the people on drugs, etc. Because everyone is in pain and wants personal solutions. That sounds so familiar right? How boundaries just seem to vanish in most people's eyes when they are in pain. Scale that up, I'll wait for you to see the scope of the problem like I do. Also, FYI, opioid medication doesn't bond to reward pathways when people are in legitimate pain. There is zero danger in medication for people in actual physical pain. I feel pretty confident about the existing science and I'm fairly sure I will be proven absolutely right. But right only matters if it leads to change, otherwise it's useless. That's why right and wrong don't matter at all really. It only matters if you are problem-solving, which you cannot do with or from a defensive mindset. You have to feel safe and confident to try and fail. That's all therapy is: a secure lab for human testing. I mean, not really, but semantics lol. It's why people feel so strongly that therapy is bad, they agree terrified that someone will tell them something else they do not want to hear. Ignorance is bliss, that is a fact. You have to feel safe exploring, experimenting, or your safety has to not be your priority. If you're in pain, safety is precious but feels so impossible to get, right? Because safety is pain relief for someone in pain.

They need outside solutions because they are DESPERATELY trying to prove to themselves, with evidence, that literally anyone on this planet cares enough about them to sacrifice to make them feel better. But it doesn't work like that, sorry! You only get that with the lifetime subscription package after you buy 49% of the shares here and agree to be co-CEO where you take 50% of all responsibility going forward. Or decide on an IPO or an LLC, get a family company going, no wait, do not do that, that's a RICO violation probably or an IRS headache when you try to claim 5 spouses lol. Be safe, be smart, build your team however you want. Just do it responsibly! Hey, get their consent to be hired and draft a contract...

So, I'm going to tell you the cure for depression that hides behind months of carefully negotiable work with a trusted therapist. Because if this works for you, why wait for pain relief? But you are gonna be so mad, sorry! It's more work than staying miserable and it's risky and dangerous and an adventure so that's scary. But it's why superheroes have even gone dark, no one wants to be saved anymore. Why? And why is that so depressing?

The cure for depression is honestly and seriously:

Go out and make a truly sincere, intimate connection with a new human being.

Being depressed (not, Depression, not MDD, not chemical imbalance, c'mon y'all, I used the little c on purpose and everything!) as a state is basically a form of ego death kinda. You've lost your faith. Usually in humanity on some level. The restoration of your faith in humanity requires new evidence, new data. So, go out and make a friend. You only need one. Don't overdo, you might get depressed again later and you should pace yourself on the friend thing because it's a literal commitment. That's what an "intimate connection" means, it's a bond, a commitment, trust, faith, hope, humanity, I don't know. Whatever you needed it to be is what it will be when you find the right person.

Now, lots of people mistakenly believe that they need romantic connection to secure that trust and you get the rising trend in what I call "unhealthy poly". What's that? Don't collect people like Pokemon to try and fill any holes anywhere on or in you. Stop that.

All relationships need trust and if you're going to do that to mass numbers of people, then you're an NMAP who's running a very successful con and congratulations! But like, that's hurting them and you either can't see it or don't care. That applies to all humans and human relations and relationships. They all come with a duty of care that we simply don't see or care to take responsibility for? Oh wait, ring theory, unified cutlery theory, you can't ask people in pain to make any kind of decision that puts anyone else above their priority or they will have a bad time. If everyone's priority is pain relief, then it's why you get ghosting and friends who fall into the abyss and all sorts of stuff that's selfish, but we are trying to accommodate by normalizing and accepting but everyone, literally everyone, is just hiding their resentment because they are going to have to do stuff they don't want to do, not always by force, but that's where you get the "give an inch" problem. Once you accommodate selfish people in pain, now they have expectations and they know you have a thing that helps and it's external and really required nothing from them but the apathy to take it from you. See? You can't let people in if they aren't rational.

If you think half the population is irrational right now, congratulations, this is the whole problem! You just found people who agreed with you, that felt safe, and now you're defensive. Who can you trust now? And again, please note I didn't specify which dude. If you read this and think you know my thoughts or position, I assure you, you don't. I could absolutely convince you either way - it's not hard. You are hackable to me. That's why I don't hack humans without their consent, why I fight against every manipulative impulse I have so fucking hard. I just give you the data, ask you questions, and wait. Because I can see your solution, literally anyone, but it's useless if you don't want it or won't work on it. All solutions are. Consent matters, that's why I don't let HLs get away with "how do I fix/manipulate/con" my LL. I'M NOT YOUR CON COACH. I'm here to show you that if you have a problem, the solution, the only solution that will ever work, it's already inside you. I can see it even if you can't. That's why I'm me and you are calling yourself a title to find solidarity instead of solutions.

The problem is no one knows how to make friends because everyone is convinced everyone else is trying to hurt them. So yeah, then you get factions of people who trust each other only based on common beliefs or superficial similarities, because you need a bunch of people if that trust isn't really there. So then you get untrustworthy people that are just looking for a group to exploit for selfish reasons who are all making everything worse and yeah. There's that damn slope again. Maybe I should take up skiing.

Yep, the solution to everyone's problem is to make a friend, but all potential friends are enemies. That's why humans run away to be "explorers" y'all. We are desperately looking for trusted, intimate connection. And humanity is probably going to be super bummed if there's not at least aliens left to try out. Cause damn, lol.

Fuck, I really, really want friends, does anyone else? The problem is I need respectful, trustworthy, intimate connections and they're hard to find unless you want to trust, fuck and marry any currently available humanity.

You haven't suffered enough yet?

Apparently not.

Because that's all that it takes.

Just keep suffering.

Eventually change will just look like pain relief.

I guess I am also done suffering through pain that I did not enthusiastically consent to having. Maybe I just need to get laid...eye roll