Below is a list of a few things that my LLM partner has said done... And after being on the sub for a little while I can't seem to understand them. I could guess but I would really like your advice.

1) Early on he would say he was tired or stressed or whatever else.

Was this done to save my feelings? Why couldn't he just have said "hey I'm just not interested in sex as much as you are I'll let you know when I am"? Because instead of me understanding that I thought that I had just chosen a bad time...yet again. So I started to play this game of trying to find the right time. And then it hurt even more when I got rejected at those times. I feel like if he had just been honest with me from the start I could have avoided some of that hurt.

2) he also used to completely ignore my advances. Like I would obviously be trying to initiate something (it didn't even have to be sex but something sexual)... And he would just keep talking or (worse) he would start to laugh. Why did he do this? It really hurt my feelings that he didn't even acknowledge my needs in that moment (Even if he was not in the mood it would have been nice for him to acknowledge it). And laughing at me for putting myself out there after so much rejection... Ouch. Eventually I asked him to please stop doing that... That if I was making an advance that he didn't want I wanted him to tell me rather than to let myself make a fool of myself. Shortly thereafter I just stopped initiating totally.

3) We recently had a discussion about initiation. He told me something I didn't know and that is that, on the days that he's initiating (happens about once every 2 to 3 months), he will sort of be thinking about it during the day and getting excited about what's to come. I asked if maybe he could let me know when he's having one of those days because often his advances "come out of nowhere" But now it seems it's actually been on his mind for a while. His response was that he gets a lot of satisfaction over kind of "surprising" me with sex. That's part of the enjoyment to him. I asked if looping me in on his thoughts would reduce his enjoyment and he seemed unsure. I tried to explain that him surprising me sort of reduces my enjoyment even if it helps his. For example, he has initiated at times when I didn't feel particularly sexy... Maybe I needed a shower or something. Considering how rarely we have sex I'd like to make the most of it when it does happen which for me might mean putting on a particular outfit doing my hair putting on some makeup etc. Do any LL's feel this way? That surprising their partner adds to the LL's enjoyment? Or is it maybe more a matter of not promising on something that you can't deliver on? Like if he told me at noon that he was interested in sex that night but then something changed for him he would feel bad....

4) he tells me he loves me and loves having sex with me. I feel like a lot of LL's are averse to sex but he's telling me that's not the case for him. He says he likes it and he likes how it connects us... But he says that doing it too much will make it less special. I understand that for example Christmas is special because it comes once a year... If Christmas was every weekend it would be no big deal. But it makes me confused about his feelings for me if something he supposedly loves to do he only wants to do a few times a year despite saying that he loves it each time.