I’ve had this happen multiple times now, and it’s left me feeling confused, hurt, and frustrated. I make it very clear from the start that I’m looking for an online LDR that could translate to real life if things align. I’m upfront about my boundaries and what I’m looking for: honesty, consistency, and someone who’s ready to put in the effort to let things grow naturally. I know relationships take time, and I’m willing to invest that effort for the right person.

And yet, it always seems to go the same way. At first, they’re all in making grand promises I never asked for. Things like, “I promise I won’t leave,” or “I would never [insert grand statement here].” Pair this with sweet words like, “I like you so much,” or “You’re so refreshing,” and it feels genuine. They even start making plans with me, talking about our future and how we’d make things work.

But once the “honeymoon phase” ends, things start to unravel. The consistent messages fade, the attention feels surface-level, and it becomes clear I’m no longer a priority. When I ask about the shift (because it’s always noticeable), they admit things like, “I don’t think I can do this LDR/distance thing,” or “I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear.” And it always leaves me wondering why couldn’t they say this earlier? Why lead me on when they knew from the beginning what I was asking for?

It makes me question if they loved the idea of a relationship more than they cared about me. They knew the realities of a long-distance relationship. They knew my boundaries. They seemed so sure early on, but when it came time to actually show up, they couldn’t. And it hurts every single time.

If they weren’t ready for the effort it takes, why say they were? If they didn’t want a real online LDR, why not be honest from the start? I try to guard my heart, but it’s hard not to feel hurt when someone changes the rules on you halfway through right around the time when I start feeling like “this could work.”

I’m sharing this because I know I can’t be the only one. Has anyone else dealt with this? People who seem so genuine in the beginning, only to pull away when things get real? How do you handle it? And is there a way to spot these patterns earlier? I’d love to hear your thoughts.