To all of you in Long-Distance-Relationships,

be strong, be enduring, be forgiving and tolerant, have hope and be in the right mind-set. Commit and be willing to sacrifice if necessary.

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My partner (f30) and me (m35) have overcome our long-distance relationship period of four years and I am happy to share a little of my experience in the following.

We now live together, share a flat, go to the pictures together or stay in, go grocery-shopping together, have shared friends in the same city and just hang-out or go our seperate ways for an afternoon, knowing we`ll end the day in each others arms. Usual couple things - but it took work to get here. We both work in media, which requires travelling for Tv or movie productions. Whilst her frequency of moving was lower than mine (about every seven months), mine was high, moving to a different city every two or three months.

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What gave us strength was:

1) Commitment to communication - texting, WhatsApp (sharing snapshots of our daily lives), telephoning/video-calling. We didn`t talk to each other daily due to our high workloads and working hours, but I would also advise against `just calling for the sake of it`. Make the calls count, have something nice to say or share. Don`t just hang on the phone silently, but make me communication meaningful. Share what`s going on on your side and ask for what`s going on in their life. If you can`t call, text, Whatsapp, etc. If you can`t communicate actively, then give a little explanation why, so not to leave your partner hanging.

2) Develop activities together - for us, it was gaming. Even though she isn`t a gamer by her own initiative, she really enjoys playing with me. We`d play Wildermyth, Baldurs Gate 3, Animal Crossing or it Takes Two together. In Wildermyth we`d read the story out loud to each other, turning it into an interactive shared book of sorts. In Baldurs Gate 3 we`d sabotage each others plans, in Animal Crossing I`d hide easter-eggs for her, when we couldn`t see each other at easter and in It takes Two we`d not only laugh, but also take themes and discuss them and how they related to us. We`d play on our plattforms, whilst video-calling each other, so that we could not only hear, but also see each other.

There`s many other beautiful things you could do (that we have also done in the past), like having a shared diary, that you post to each other every few weeks, after filling the pages in turn with photographs, drawn or painted pictures, love-letters or little rants ( a friend of mine is doing this right now with his parnter who lives over 1k km away).

3) Be forgiving and tolerant - this one is really hard: we understood that we have different ways of expressing love and desires and needs - including sexual desire. We came to understand our individual needs and did our best to fullfill them as needed after clearly discussing them with each other. Her needs were more emotional in nature, mine physical. I would always do my best to support her mentally and communicate a lot with her. Often sending her little affirmations of our love (e.g. I`d have a stack of beautiful postcards to send her at odd times, so they`d come as a surprise or I`d send a bunch of her favourite flowers to her work, creating a bit of a scene at the office). Whenever I knew that she`d face a challange, I`d make time to support her in any way needed.

She on the other hand prove herself to be a wonder at many times, being understanding and even supportive whenever I`d date someone else. I won`t go into details here, but if you are interested look here: https://www.reddit.com/r/EthicalNonMonogamy/ or even here https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/ (don`t confuse the two. They are not the same and the poly-community can be quiet spikey about it). My partner and me both firmly belive, that too often couples break up over unfaithfull behaviour, without openly talking about their needs. Often one side is in need of more emotional or physical affection. Decide what is of more value to you: the partner being faithful or the partner being happy. We have two simple rules (and really the only ones) in our relationship: `The relationship shall enhance our lives. We want one another to be more and experience more of live through each others support, not less.`. And: `Always communicate honestly.`.

If one of you does fail the other in something (like being unfaithful), try to understand why they did what they did. Try to work through your (valid) pain and communicate with each other. Reevaluate your shared understanding of what your relationship is, by which rules you play and what your goals are, then devlope new ways of fullfilling each others needs together.

4) Have shared goals - when we started working and travelling for work, we lacked an overarching goal, so we made smaller, short-term goals like setting a date for our next meeting. We`d commit to that next meeting, making the times more bearable when we weren`t able to communicate with eachother a lot. Two years into our lifestyle, we decided, that we didn`t want to lead this life indefinetly, like many in our line of work do. So we decided on moving back together after her training of two years would conclude...

... 5) Commit - knowing she`d finish her training by the end of 2023 and having a good job opportunity following it, I only signed a contract up to the same date, giving me the liberty of not being bound to one city, but being able to fullfill our set overarching goal together - we found a flat and are now filling it with life and love. My career isn`t over, but I am willing to build a new one in a new field if necessary. For us, beeing together is more valuable than having a high-flying career. We all only have one lifetime and it is for everyone to decide, how to spend it - We have decided to spend it togehter. For that, we are willing to 6) sacrifice if necessary.

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To all of you in Long-Distance-Relationships - dont give up. Fight for what you love and have hope. You`ll manage. Good luck^^