Before I go to far, I should say that overall I am okay and safe. I see a counselor on the reg and will meet with them tomorrow, but today has just been overwhelming and I am stuck between wanting. To cry for hours or scream for hours.

Like most of us here I am dealing with long COVID and it is draining on many levels. I got COVID very early (Feb 2020), before testing was even available. I don’t know when exactly I got it, but this is the best timeframe my doctors can agree on.

Before COVID I was okay. I had severe asthma since childhood, things have gotten exceptionally worse. I went from having an asthma attack/flair up on average once a month (most often mild) to having them several times a day.

COVID killed my right lung. The only thing remaining are calcified deposits in my esophagus and right lung. I violently cough all day long - to the point of causing extremely harsh headaches/migraines, lightheaded/feeling like I’m going to pass out, or lose control of my bladder. I wheeze all the time (nearly constantly); people can hear it and comment on it. Breathing issues wake me(and my partner) up at night. I was referred to Mayo for consultation, but was not making enough money at the time to afford that and then moved so far away from Mayo that it’s not even feasible for me to go there now.

I can’t breathe. I can’t do things I normally did before. Walking more than 20 feet causes a violent attack and breathing issues. As a result, I am so much less active than I used to be and have gained a lot of weight.

Since I got sick I have had to make 2 very large moves for over (3k miles for the first and 1600 miles for the second). I am now in a very rural area of the country with limited medical services and cannot find a doctor to help. The local doctors either tell me I’m making things up, that they don’t want to deal with long COVID, or as two of them said “there is no long COVID”.

I am just drowning in this. Some days are too much and I have those horrible thoughts cross my mind - to reiterate, I am safe and do not have any plans or serious thoughts in place.

I just don’t know how to continue on for years like this. I am in my mid-30s and physically feel like I’m over 100, and when the brain fog hits hard I feel like I have dementia.