I have been struggling a lot during this pandemic. Obviously so have a lot of other people.

I want to say that I know this post might sound like not a huge deal when compared to the issues a lot of other people are facing in the wake of this year, and I get that this might be a problem of privilege so don't come for me in the comments please.

I have been having a lot of anxiety and my depression has gotten worse so I have been trying to self asses and figure out what the root feeling of it is. I was just starting out at my first post-grad job when this hit and my industry won't be back to work for a long time because it is events based. I, like many others have had to move back home again and forget about my new job and the possibility of grad school in the fall.

I think what I've determined after some reflection is that the biggest factor in my hopeless feelings is that I feel like it is impossible to make ANY kind of plans for the future.

I can somewhat deal with being unemployed. I can somewhat deal with not leaving my house. I can somewhat deal with changing my life for the health of everyone around me. What I can't deal with is the void that is the future.

All of the things I want out of life feel like they are on an indefinite hold. I can't plan any career moves. I can't put time into finding a partner. I can't move back out of my parents house. I can't adopt a pet. I can't plan to travel. I can't go to the gym. And the list goes on and on. All I can do is mosey around my mom's house day in and day out for the rest of eternity. Obviously I can do a few things to keep me busy, and I have been doing them. But that doesn't negate the fact that I find myself almost on a daily basis trying desperately to think about the future with no avail.

You see, I've always been a planner. I literally thrive off having plans. I want to always know my next move and next step to get me closer to my goals. I don't always have to have my life planned out for the next 10 years or something, but I do like to have things I feel I am doing to move my life forward. This pandemic has completely taken away my ability to PLAN and it is seriously hurting my mental health.

Anyone else out there an avid planner in the middle of a life crisis? How are you dealing?