a year ago, i’d talked to one person i’d worked with about what they’d done, and it blew up. like, really really blew up- i think this is the “smearing” i read about on here? they called my mother at work, had their new partner follow everyone following me on instagram and began posting about me. it just went on, it’s still going on with them talking about me.

i wish i had as many friends as they did, and granted, they never had close friends with me; but they have a ton of connections. i wish i wasn’t so naïve, wish i wasn’t such a people pleaser, i wish i didn’t care what people thought.

i’m miserable some days- i don’t get why i question myself to the point where it’s debilitating; sometimes i feel like things they said about me are true (not being conventionally attractive/people not liking people like us; boys only liking my work because they want to fuck me; that i get opportunities because i have a “thing” (im bipoc and queer). the list goes on and it hurts.