Let me start by saying, yes I am crazy. I do crazy things and expect different results I play childish games and a weird shit for attention there's a large conspiracy surrounding my life and I have made some very poor choices. I struggle with addictions and emotional damage. That I'm trying to recover from.i have I trust no one . everyone close to me has no respect for me becuz I continue to fail every test that has been set forth while almost. I spent most of the last year in jail for drugs and tampering. Even before that my marriage was failing and I was losing myself for the third time of my life I was losing someone I that I was going to be together with for life for lack of a better term mentally I really checked out a year prior of going to jail I got arrested in January of 2002 I got out in March and was arrested again in May driving a car that was sold to me by someone I grew up with and that person was supposed to be family hard lessons learned the hard way. During my second arrest my wife essentially abandoned me no contact The only support system I had was my mother and surprisingly my first wife whom I had married twice this also happens to be the woman who had completely destroyed me I loved her completely I never in a million years thought that she would be my biggest support system she took care of me when no one else would even know after I was released from jail in November she opened her home to me allowing me to be with my children something I was previously not allowed to do which is my biggest motivation currently to regain a hold on myself and rebuild my life although her help comes at a price I'm injured earlier there is a conspiracy surrounding my life I know this sounds far-fetched but I assure you as true I have no privacy I am followed and watched and my actions tested with the situations for instance over the past week 6 cars have been left running conveniently with no one in them, allegedly I have had a habit in the past of driving cars that didn't belong to me. I am so deadset and turning my life around I didn't even think twice about walking away from those situations I realize there's no easy money to be had. Jobs have been made available for me to earn money the honest way which I intend to continue to do I don't miss the life of struggling and worrying about being arrested. And there are also the situations where substances have been made available The situations I handle all differently because I don't know the circumstances of the conspiracies that surround me I intentionally lead people to believe that I relapse so I game perspective on who's involved and how closely I'm being watched I can tell you with 100% certainty I did not get high. I have only used once sense iv be out it made me realize that's not something I cant go back to...I fear for my freedom and my safety I also believe that at some point I will be bated into a situation where I react negatively. I'm putting all my faith into my belief that if I continue to do the right thing I will be for you from this burden