Maybe this would be better put in relationship advice but I'm not sure. I'm 26 I just ended a 5 year relationship and I'm about to loose my job. I'm at a turning point in my life and I'm just not sure where to go or what to do. I spent the last 6 years pouring myself into my career and relationships with other people and... well I feel like I wasted a lot of time chasing a career or love/acceptance from other people and.. right now I feel hallow I'm not sure where I what I can do next. Ive lost motivation to advance careerwise, and dating for me is a nightmare. Mostly because I have 0 desire to become a parent in fact... babies kind of disgust me and simultaneously terrify me like when a family member or someone has a baby the last thing I want to do is hold it... I know how fragile it hey are and I'm afraid I'm going to drop it... and being that I don't find them cute I have a feeling subconsciously that I'm not going to handle it with care like I would an animal or something I feel I love or have a connection with.. I'm at the age where I'm trying to figure out what I want with my life and really all I want is a life partner without the shitty legalities of marriage. I don't understand why to show I really LOVE someone I have to become their property.. It feels possessive and controlling. As you can imagine dating when you don't want marriage or kids is difficult, people don't understand that I still would like a serious relationship and a life partner but I don't think that companionship needs to come with a legally binding contract. Am I broken or unlovable? Is it wrong that I don't want marriage or kids?? I say all of this and it sounds like I'm a psychopath but really I'm just kind of exhausted, I'm a social worker, I'm a highly empathetic person, I spent the last 3 years of my previous relationship trying to 'help' or 'save' my exes sister who was mentally unstable, on and off drugs and in and out of abusive relationships. That woman was a year older than me and called me 'mom's and for real our relationship felt like My ex and I were taking care of a teenage daughter we never wanted.. I feel like if I had a kid it would just drain whats left of my energy for other people.. Or I'd become a neurotic anxiety ridden mess trying to 'protect' it and do Whats right for my child.. Everyone says I'd be a great Mom but the idea sounds like a recipe for disaster to me, I'll end up going off the deep end in one way or another i know it.. I worry too much, everyday is an existential crisis for me, I spend a lot of my everyday life worrying about climate change and how bad things will be in 20 years. With that type of anxiety how am I supposed to want kids or imagine myself with a future? When I fantasize about what I want in my future I picture living in a small house with a garden or a farm and maybe raise some chickens, sheep and goats. I often think about running off and living in an 'intentional community'/hippie commune.. but whenever I talk about that option to my friends or family they treat me like I'm crazy. I mean I think they have good reason to I don't want to get sucked into a cult..I'm just feeling lost and don't know what to do with my life.