I have indulged with multiple men in the past. 15.

I am generally a confused and sad person i think its bcz of being with multiple people. I am also a healthy and positive person regardless.

I have become extremely aware of karma and its effects and understand its better to have a low body count.

I practised keeping off masturbating and other intoxicants i used to do before. I am good now. But I still went on a tangent, felt very sexual and met someone.

Now we are planning to meet and things will happen between us. He seems lovely but yet he is young and obviousoy doesn’t think about marriage like i do. I really want to only be with someone seriously now, long term, hopefully marrying in the end. I want to indulge sexually here to be honest. But I am confused whether I should control myself or indulge without guilt. Because I am not sure if we would actually be together.

I do not want to add more memory to my body which will hurt me. At the same time I want to not live with guilt or shame and be able to enjoy something that has come my way after many years.

I also really really want to be with this guy, if we are able to get there. Please advice 🙏🏼