Hi!

I am brand new and this is my first post - so please forgive me if I have got things wrong!

I am looking for a wide range of opinions and advice and so I thought about posting this on my socials, but I feel like the feedback would be too narrow, because it would just be echoing around my own existing echo chamber. You know?

I am 36, F, cis gender, LGBT /queer living in the UK. I am bright, but I should probably also mention that I have ADHD & autism - the latter I suspect is causing the issue with my comprehension here! I tend to say what I mean, I mean what I say and see everything in quite black or white terms.

Firstly, I don't have a problem with kids. I am an aunt and couldn't adore my siblings' babies more. I think they're all the usual things like cute and sweet and adorable and yes I do want to hold them and yes their fat rolls make my heart a bit fluttery. Also, can I cope with everything else that comes with it? Absolutely 100% not. It's just not for me. All this to say, don't come at me for hating kids, I don't.

For about a decade females around me have begun procreating.

A few people I know would say happily that yes, we want a baby! Or babies! And they'd be pumped for it. Much like the subject of marriage, they'd openly say "I want to marry someone!". It wasn't an issue, to my recollection.

What I am finding more and more with the baby thing though is: female friends & indeed sometimes their male partners saying, sometimes very firmly/loudly - for years - I/WE DON'T WANT KIDS. Like ever. They couldn't give up their lives/jobs/status/partying to settle. They have Guardian strength ideological, ecological and political arguments that they'll state openly about not having children and why they've chosen this....All to end up "woops we're pregnant!" lol how did that happen?

I cannot understand how my friends could be fertile since our teens, avoided pregnancy for this long, then suddenly 'woopsy' end up that way mind 30? And even then, given everything done and said in the past, you keep it? It just is mental to me! The options are as far as I can see:

1. if you get accidentally pregnant it flips something in you and you desire to keep it.*

*think I can discount this one based on the number of abortions I've seen people have through their lives.

1. A LOT of people are lying - want kids in a kind of deep down secret way - make a fuss about not wanting them then acting surprised when it somehow happens. For unclear reasons.

2. Third thing I haven't managed to conjure yet because this behaviour is so utterly baffling to me.

When friends inevitably say 'lol we don't know how this happened!' it's like ????????? pardon? Don't you remember all those days and weeks of praying for your period to arrive or for that 1 line on a pregnancy test? All of the hormone pills swallowed for the past 15 years? For the relief - "thank fuck" - you'd mutter in the mirror. It can only happen one way (without medical intervention).

Anyway - I'm clearly the baffled and (very happily!) childless one, but if people can help untangle this complicated web this has woven for me, I'd love it.

I'd really enjoy to hear from both those who have had child and those who haven't - and those in between with adopted/step families! The wider the audience the better.

I don't know what happens now. Click post and....wait? We'll see...