Hello,
So, here is my dilemma:

I (22 M) just graduated from an American university with a BA in English and Philosophy. As my intention is to one day get a Phd (and become a professor in either English or Philosophy), I decided to try my hand at graduate study by getting a Master's Degree in English. Towards this end, I applied to two MA programs. Now, both are funded, but one is clearly better than the other in terms of academics, stipend, connections, you name it. The only thing that the other one has is that it is my local university (the one I got my BA from), and I have strong connections with the faculty.

From an outside perspective, this should be an easy decision, right? Simply go for what is best for my future.

Well, I find that I am deeply conflicted, and I have been for some time. Somehow, the prospects of leaving my parents and my home is troubling for me, and I feel as though this change--this radical change--will have unforeseen consequences, which I worry about.

Indeed, I've never lived on my own before, have never worked, and, by all means, am totally dependent on my parents for financial, emotional, and even social support (I have no friends, for instance). Beyond my family, I truly have nothing and no one to lean on, and all of my life experience seems to me focalized through the lens of this, shall we say, naïve or even warped innocence.

All that I truly want to do is to study, and I have no desire to leave my home, yet I find that, in the pursuit of one I necessarily give up the other.

Sure, I could compromise. I could just stay with my parents, get my MA at the local university, and so live life more-or-less as it has gone on so far, but then I also would know that I settled, not out of desire, but from a certain indecisiveness, fear, weakness, or what have you.

I can't really describe it, but, whatever it is, I often feel overwhelmed by this odd internal resistance. It's like some days I want to make the leap and go for it, and other days I only want to stay where I am. To a great extent, I find that I don't really want to go anywhere that isn't my home; no doubt, I am happiest when I am at home, though I know that happiness isn't everything.

Somehow, I fear that I'll lose something by leaving.

In any case, I'm in need of some advice. What do you think I should do? And how should I go about making this choice?

Thanks.