I (M19) have been on a long and frustrating road of mental health issues, medication, addictions, and so much more. But I honestly need some help- and not from a professional. Just a regular person out there.

So for the last like 3 years I have been in a relationship- 3 different girls. My current girlfriend is my SO4L, no doubt about that. The girl before her was another word for a female dog and controlled my life. She took my personality away. It’s that simple. And the girl before that was addiction, I was hard core. If you can imagine that- that’s all I need to say. But I’m done with that, I stick with natural remedies to date. If you know what I mean.

Aside from that- this puts me in a situation. To paint the whole picture- I started at a school in freshman year, left to go to a small school for my sophomore year, then left to just do online school. I gradually became less and less of myself- or a person at all. And in the meantime of the start of my junior year- I started dating again. And I haven’t stopped since. I have not been my own individual in so long and it’s something my SO has mentioned over and over again. She can go out and have fun with friends no problem at all, and honestly there is ZERO jealousy of that. That’s not what this is. I’m jealous that she has friends- or has the desire to be social. I want to go out and party and do whatever it is I’m supposed to be enjoying. I’m jealous of everyone who is like this. I have some friends- I just don’t really wanna do stuff with them yk? I’m so attached with my SO I’d rather do stuff with her. But I don’t anymore. I wanna go out and stuff but like- just the idea of it?

I have no clue who I am, I have no clue what I want, I do not want to loose my SO over “needing to find myself”. I’m willing to do just about WHATEVER it takes to become a “normal person” or just to find my personality and be happy. Can anyone help me?

-side note: sorry if this is a little all over the place. Thank you in advance