So, I've been struggling to talk with women for a while. A few years ago I thought I was getting better but my social skills have only gotten worse. I've tried dating apps in the past but they have been very negative for me. Not to get into every problem I had but it didn't help that I had one date trauma dump on me about her ex and another blocking me because I never had a shake at a smoothie king (not joking that actually happened). I've lost confidence in myself and everytime I talk to a beautiful woman, my mind goes blank and I become lost for words.

I'm either told that I'm too needy or too distant. Too eager or that I'm just into older women, but I don't know what I am. I just want someone to talk to without all the guess work. Someone to talk the shit with and laugh while having a few glasses of wine or beer. But that makes me feel selfish for wanting something like that, despite how mundane it sounds. It feels like I'll never find the right person and it makes me feel like I'm not worth it for love at this point. I've had people say that I'm just being dramatic, but how can you call me that when every time I matched with someone on a dating app they try to send me a link to their only fans or make me pay for sex (which is unfortunately another real experience I faced one too many times). The closest I've gotten to a relationship is a few hook ups and an affair that I had with someone twice my age (btw I was not aware they were married until after the fact). I'm done, and I don't know if I'm worth loving at this point.