I (m45) met a girl around age 20 and dated her for a long time. We ended up getting married at 27 and stayed married for 15 years. Our marriage was a disaster. She has admitted that she fell out of love with me. It was a cycle. Where some days I would feel this urge to get up and try to be a good husband and to save my marriage and then I would try and it wouldn’t work or it would for a brief period but yeah. I felt I was putting in all the work and it was bad. She would push me off when I touched her. She would just look at me with this look of trying to act like she loves me or convince herself. She wouldn’t look at me or let me touch her during sex. I loved my wife very much but it became so clear that this wasn’t working. We never had kids as she can’t have them but we discussed adopting a few times but never seemed like a good decision. We mutually decided on a separation about 4 years ago and have been officially divorced for over 3 years now.

Life has been amazing for me since. I have gotten into the best shape of my life. I bought a condo that I love. I have picked up new hobbies. I play pickle ball with my cousin every Saturday. I have gotten a monumental promotion at work, I have just explored my mind getting into meditation and yoga. I have basically been tied down since I was 20 years old so I have been living. I’m also having a sexual relationship with a 23 year old. Judge me if you want but I am having a ton of fun with that. But yeah I would trade all that for my ex wife to be in love with me but I’m living a heck of a life and to anyone out there miserable get out it’s not gonna get better no matter how much you may want it to.

PS - A lot of people are really coming at me about the 23 year old. It’s okay to have that opinion about age gaps. But I can assure you I am not taking advantage of her I’m not creeping on her it’s very consensual and if you don’t like it that’s fine but let’s not say things like “you need to be in jail” or call me a creep or “I see why your wife left you”. None of those things are accurate or neccesary to say. I get the age gap thing but oh well.

Also on the first line I was not 45 dating a 20 year old I met a woman when we were both 20.