Won’t be able to explain everything in detail or a lot because there is so much stuff it’s crazy. I’m a 17 year old white guy who was “born with a bad set of cards” I’ve been told, growing up with crime, drugs, poverty, all of that good stuff. I was raised by felons who cooked and sold methamphetamine along with other drugs, but with a lifestyle like that you know how it goes. My parents are also tweakers and my whole life I’ve been reminded being bullied by rich kids for my weird parents or my dirty clothes along with my odd personality. Being a kid always on the lookout for cops or when the next shooting is gonna happen and send rounds through your living room or when the Feds are gonna break down your door again, or when the next pervert is gonna rape you, orrrr maybe when your stepdad starts beating the shit out of your mom and sisters and you have to fight him and take the hits for them.

I could Yap for hours and complain but the point is why I came here. Somehow through all of this I pushed on and was the “white sheep” and “golden child” in my family, I never liked drugs and only occasionally drank and I always was in the gym because I was disgusted by my background and roots. But that was a year ago, let’s look at now. I’m now addicted to meth myself, I’m skinny as hell and look like a 5 year old I’ve been told by my dad, no body wants to hang out with me anymore even though I was super social and always out. There’s a lot I could say but the point is if I’m being completely honest, I plan on ending myself here soon. I’ve tried a few times but always would back out in hopes of something, but I can’t get clean and life progressively gets worse. Dripped out of school, got fired yesterday, and I’m not crying or freaking out I’m just exhausted. My plan was the marines and my recruiters loved me but if I see them now idk about that. But anyone in a similar boat? Am I alone through this? What can I do? (Not begging for attention)