So, I am currently wearing a metal boot from a broken foot and I am expecting to travel next week. So since this metal boot will CERTAINLY get me into the advanced inspection line, I think an interesting solution will be this:

First agree to the pat down. Then look around and ask for the prettiest female TSA agent I can find (I am male). Then, while they are performing the inspection, I will add color commentary:

"hey babe, you're looking fine. you want to touch me? I like being touched."

"Oh yeah, up the thigh babe, go for it. Touch harder, oh yeah! I like that... oooh... "

"Squeeze my nipples. I get so hard when you do that."

Let's face it, if they If are going to make my ordeal embarrassing, why can't it be the same for them. bastard!