You taught me how to live. You taught me how to be care free. Do what you want no matter who’s looking. Laugh as you want. Act as you want. Just LIVE how you want. Who cares about the judgment? The fear of being looked at and laughed at or even embarrassed. You taught me how to live. And I was doing it. Slowly of course. Everything takes more time for me. More time to read, more time to get things done, more time to be free and more time to live. I was doing it. Slowly. I started to realize that maybe life is worth living. Maybe I’m overthinking and maybe I should just stop caring about what others think. I mean I KNOW that, but come on, that’s always a little difficult. I started to be free around you. Not care what others think or who was looking. Just living in the moment and be with you. Who cares who looked or who laughed or what their opinions might’ve been. This turtle was starting to poke its head out of its shell and see that maybe the world wasn’t so scary as she thought it was. I was doing it. Because it felt right in my bones. It was shaping me into a better person, not just for you, but most importantly for me. I was doing it. Maybe I just didn’t see it. Maybe I was living in a delusion. All I saw was the calm before the storm, I never saw the rain clouds in the distance. Or maybe I did and I was just ignoring them. The storm happens so fast. The tornado ripping a town to shreds in a matter of minutes. The tsunami wiping out thousands of people with it. The volcano completely changing the landscape. Maybe I just ignored it all because when it was good, it was so good. I couldn’t see it any other way. But one day, as with the natural disasters, everything changes. It all changes. The sky is gray and menacing, smoke fills the air you can’t see. And that’s when you realize that it’ll never be the same again. And sometimes, by that time, it’s too late. You wonder when, if you’ll ever see a sunset again. A sunset so beautiful like the day I met you. Why do the good days feel so unnatural and the bad just feels so amplified? It’s an endless pattern. When will I see the sun again? When will I feel the way I once did? Will I ever feel that way again? So I reverted. The day that everything changed, I reverted. Hid back in my shell, I don’t want to see the sun again. I don’t want to be carefree. I want to run. I want to hide. I never want to face this ugly world again. I’ll go back to making sure I blend in or at least trying to. I’ll go back making sure I never mess up again. Never letting anyone see the real me. That’s too dangerous. I’m going backwards. I’m becoming that scared little girl again, by some subconscious choice that’s compelling me. I don’t think I could stop it if I tried. The progress. THE PROGRESS. All lost. I’ll never be the same again. I’ll never feel that way again. To be so carefree, something so simple yet so hard. Something I had to learn from somebody else who took it all away from me. I’ll never be the same again. It’s only 4 months from your departure, but it feels like yesterday. The storm is over. The sun is out. But yet the landscape is changed forever. The people rebuild their towns and try to pick up their lives again, never to be the same again. So with that I leave you. Nothing but peace, joy, and happiness for the rest of your days. I hope that you get everything you ever wanted and I hope that I never hear about it.

So long my friend. With love.